Our expert says:
It happens. Sadly the reproductive ability to bear children is not automatically matched with the psychological and emotional skills to raise children kindly and well.
Hearty congratulations on changing this pattern and choosing to become such a good mother. And congratulations on, broadly, making peace with her and enabling her to understand some of what had happened. But who knows why she didn;t let your father know - it probably fits her tendency to avoid commnicating emotionally and on emotionally important matters, and maybe she just didn't see it as his business.
Don't allow yourself to carry bitterness forward. From the sound of it, it would have been uncharacteristic of your mother to have discussed such matters with your father. And what really matters is what you were able to achieve wih her in her later years, not whether he understands or appreciates it.
If you continue to experience difficulties about this, do see a counsellor / psychotherapist to work through these remaining issues, and to continue to set yourself free.
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