Posted by: GP | 2009-02-06

More than I can handle....

I don' t know if you can help me with this situation. Some weeks ago I offered a man the use of my spare bedroom as he has lost his one man business and he has to vacate the house which he rented as well.

He wants to meet on the weekend to discuss moving in with me. I have lived on my own for just over 4 years and I am now not sure if I want to share my space with someone else. On the other hand I would feel bad for not helping this man.

I am not sure what to do!

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Our expert says:
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He may need help, he may even deserve help --- but why should you be the person to supply it, by sacrificing your comfort and privacy ? Does he truly have no alternatives ? Do you know him well enough to be CERTAIN that he will not stay indefinitely or cause other problems ? You were rash in offering before you had thought this through. Learn the rule NEVER offer anything while assuming the other person won't accept --- only offer if you would be happy for them to accept.
At 70 + he may be harmless. Talk calmly and tactfully with him about how you hesitate due to not really knowing him, and valuing your privacy, and explore what plans he is making to move on from here. If this is time-limited, to a month or two, it may be more tolerable than if it is indefinite

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oh No !! | 2009-02-09

Well you seem to have got the adevice you were looking for and pleased to see that you have made a decision. Its far easier to say " NO"  at the outset than to try and get him out at a later stage when he does not want to GO ! Good luck

Reply to Oh No !!
Posted by: GP | 2009-02-06

Thanks everyone for suggestions. CS is right I did not think it through and was too quick to offer. I don' t have a good feeling about this and I think I will withdraw my offer before it is too late and I find myself in sh.. street!!!

Reply to GP
Posted by: Jane | 2009-02-06

Some ideas:

Perhaps offer him the use of your spare room for a month trial basis. And make sure he puts down some money incase of breakages. If its not working out after a month, he has to go, if it is, then he can stay. Make sure he knows its a trial, and not a permanent move.

Maybe pop into his current house if he is still there, and see the state he keeps it in - is it neat and tidy, or a huge mess with clothes and pots and pans everywhere.

Try speaking to his current landlord, who can atleast confirm whether he paid rent ontime and maintained the property where required.

Even if you do decide to let him stay, let him know its not forever, but for a set period - 6 months say - which will give him enough time to get back on his feet.

Hope this helps!

Reply to Jane
Posted by: GP | 2009-02-06

Lady man,

I asked him about family, he said his sister is 80+ and not able to help. He is 70+ and it seems to me that he has no children, he has never spoken of any. I don' t know how to get refernces as I don' t know his friends. I met him purely through business.

I am having second thoughts now about it all, but I don' t how to refuse him seen as I was the one that offered. I guess I thought he would not take up the offer.....

Reply to GP
Posted by: Lady man | 2009-02-06


I know of someone in the same position as you. He also help someone who needs a place, also lost his job and everthing else. At the end it come out that this person was not the person you would like to help.
What I would like to say is, just make SURE about your facts about this person you want to help. Do not offer someone a room in your house that you do not know. Get references and phone numbers and ask his friends and family about him.
In these days you cannot help everybody the way you want to.
Way is his family or friends not willing to help him.

Reply to Lady man

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