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Posted by: Dirk | 2011-09-29

More comments on post 874 -update on situation

Hi All

Thanks for all the interesting replies...

Update on the situation:
She washes her car every 3 - 4 days.
Has not been in our bed in 4 weeks.
Refuses that I help with washing.
Switches on dishwasher almost daily even it is inly 1/3 full.
Gets extremely angry at ''small'' things.
Makes no effrot with her appearance.
I tired jogging with her after work, went fine for 1st week thereafter she said she wants to jogg alone or she jogs with me with earphones and musicplayer.

i am busy loosing hope.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maria's response makes a lot of good sense.
Maybe the GP route might work. You haven't commented on my earlier suggestions or questions

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011-09-30

It''s probably not a case of wanting to suffer as much as being stuck psychologically and not knowing how to get out of the rut. Unfortunately it is very, very difficult to help someone who won''t admit that she needs help. Does she have any friends or colleagues whose help you can enlist? I don''t know how one would go about convincing her that she has to get help, I would have thought that the psychologist could have advised you on that. Perhaps get some good articles on the subject of OCD and even depression, sit her down and tell her that you love her, you want to read through the articles with her and you want to help her live life in a different, less restrictive way? I wish there was a formula I could give you...

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Dirk | 2011-09-30

@Maria: Yes, I have gone to see a psychologist as I am desperate for help/advice. His opinion was that she might have extreme case of OCD but he was hesitant to comment as he only heard my version. To be understood. I did not notice her irregular behaviour prior to living with her. Whilst dating we spent about 4 days per week together only. She is unhappy at work, but when I arrange interviews for her, she cancels it. It is as if she wants to suffer?

Reply to Dirk
Posted by: Maria | 2011-09-30

Cybershrink will only see your reply if you start a new post.

That sounds scary Dirk. Did you not experience this with her before you got married? The only other suggestion I have is that you go and see a psychologist and explain the whole situation, perhaps he or she can help you come up with a strategy to get through to your wife. I assume your wife works, do you know if her performance at work is also suffering? Could her boss put pressure on her to get help?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Dirk | 2011-09-30

@Cybershrink: Yes, I have tried the GP route and my wife refuses that there is anything ''wrong'' with her. She accuses me of being dominering for reqeusting that she sees a councellor. I have also requested that she leaves the Pill, but to no avail. I have met with her mother on 2 ocasions to seek advice. Her mom stated that her daughter is known for her quiet spells and that I must deal with it... I have also realised that the mom is quite domineering and that the father has alost no say in the household. I also omiited to mention that my wife has no started to make monthly deposits into my bank account. According to her this is her repayment of our honeymoon...

Reply to Dirk
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-09-30

Maria's response makes a lot of good sense.
Maybe the GP route might work. You haven't commented on my earlier suggestions or questions

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2011-09-29

Dirk has this changed since you got married, or has she always been like this? What does her family say? It really sounds as if she needs professional help. If she won''t see a psychologist or psychiatrist, at least try and persuade her to see her gp for a checkup. Thecn call the gp before she goes and tell him/her what is going on.

Reply to Maria

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