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Question
Posted by: Mandy | 2009/11/19

Moral values

My husband has a high sex drive. Lives on porn, loves to mastrubate anally, wants to trie swinging, wants to be sodomised and wants me to penitrate him (with sex toys). I have a problem with this due to my Christian values, what can I do because this is destroying our marraige

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Men generally have a need for sex more often so negotiation of how this is accommodated is important. It is also necessary to develop your ‘erotic script’ (this means keeping the spice in your sex life) together. The “Intimacy” magazine has information and ideas based on Christian values – this may be a starting point. The regular use of pornography can negatively affect relationships. There is some evidence that suggests that use of internet porn changes the arousal circuit in the brain, effectively meaning that the user gets used to high levels of stimulation and require more to achieve similar levels of arousal. Try getting back in touch with each other and what sensations you experience when together. Anal penetration for a man is very pleasurable because it stimulates the prostate gland which is only accessible from the anus. Sometimes sex problems are linked with other relationship issues. Have a good talk about your relationship and the things / values that are really important to both of you. Resentment towards your husband can also have a negative effect on sex. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

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Our users say:
Posted by: Conflict | 2009/11/20

Lets be honest. Sex versus Religion is bound to create confllict. It is said that there is nothing dirty about sex, no matter what a couple get up to, but it does have to be consensual. The term " missionary position"  says its all. It means restraint, avoiding anything experimental and really puts a dampner on an exciting sex life. I feel for your husband as your Christian morality will always limit his enjoyment as you will always be reserved and modest and chained to the missionary position.

Reply to Conflict
Posted by: Conflict | 2009/11/20

Lets be honest. Sex versus Religion is bound to create confllict. It is said that there is nothing dirty about sex, no matter what a couple get up to, but it does have to be consensual. The term " missionary position"  says its all. It means restraint, avoiding anything experimental and really puts a dampner on an exciting sex life. I feel for your husband as your Christian morality will always limit his enjoyment as you will always be reserved and modest and chained to the missionary position.

Reply to Conflict
Posted by: jimbo | 2009/11/19

Mandy.it sounds more like physiological problems and not morals to him...i see most forums are on this  PORN ADDICTION'  discussions its frightening what porn can do to a marriage if its only liked by the1 party ...Mandy i feel so sad for you as Ive seen nothing but doom and gloom on this porn addiction problem.....

Reply to jimbo
Posted by: XXX | 2009/11/19

Any sexual activity should always be agreed to by both parties - if you are uncomfortable about any of this then you need to discuss it with him.
It sounds like he really is pushing the boundaries

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/19

What did your pastor say? If you have christian values, you should be speaking to your church. Here you will find conflicting opinions and it might cause you to stray from your path.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/11/19

Men generally have a need for sex more often so negotiation of how this is accommodated is important. It is also necessary to develop your ‘erotic script’ (this means keeping the spice in your sex life) together. The “Intimacy” magazine has information and ideas based on Christian values – this may be a starting point. The regular use of pornography can negatively affect relationships. There is some evidence that suggests that use of internet porn changes the arousal circuit in the brain, effectively meaning that the user gets used to high levels of stimulation and require more to achieve similar levels of arousal. Try getting back in touch with each other and what sensations you experience when together. Anal penetration for a man is very pleasurable because it stimulates the prostate gland which is only accessible from the anus. Sometimes sex problems are linked with other relationship issues. Have a good talk about your relationship and the things / values that are really important to both of you. Resentment towards your husband can also have a negative effect on sex. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to Sexologist

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