advertisement
Question
Posted by: anne | 2012-06-25

money matters

My bf and I have been together for 2 months and he has been pushing me to move in with him. So last week I started looking around for a tenant for a 6 month contract and when this ball started rolling, it totally freaked me out as I would be leaving my place which signified independence and freedom.
My bf and I then started talking money and it felt like a business transaction. He said I must split the rental money that I received in half and that is how much I must pay him to stay with him. That means for all my emotional upheaval, I would be getting R1700 extra from the rent. Our relationship almost fell apart because of this.
I have since pulled my place off the market and will not be moving in with him. This episode scared me to no end!!! Was it to soon for us to be talking moving in, money, etc or is he just the wrong person for me. I know it will happen with anyone I move in with, that money will have to be spoken about, but geez to split my rental down the middle without us even being married makes me see a red flag ie. he is already dictating to me how to spend my money. For me the right thing to have said was ok, how much do you budget on groceries, water, electrictity....that is what I need to pay. It doesnt matter how much I get out of renting my place out. Any thoughts on this??

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why is he in such a hurry ? Don't give up your hard-won freedom and independence because he has some drive towards coupling, which may not even be primarily about you.
His comments do sound unduly mercenary and that could be appropriately worrying.
I agree with you, too, that at such an early stage, it is entirely inappropriate for him to expect you to contribute towards his bond payments, i.e. pay towards HIS ownership of a property in which you will have no ownership, while presumably still paying off the bond on your own property, which I gather he was not offering to help you to pay for.
It hardly makes sense for him to, effectively, present you with a bill for him "taking care of you".

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Kate | 2012-06-25

Well if he said he wants to look after you then what is the problem. He shouldnt expect you to pay anything.
He should rather have left it up to you, if you would want to contribute to anything which I''m sure you would. Like you would see to groceries for the month perhaps or petrol costs or would see to the upkeep of the house, share responsibility etc
but not deciding where your money should go.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Gracie | 2012-06-25

Walk away from this. 2 months is way too soon to be thinking of living together in any event! Does he know your mortgage is paid off? Is he now looking for help paying off his own mortgage? I think you should stay put - why on earth would you want to pay for accommodation if your own accommodation is already paid for! You would be wise not to move in with him, nor discuss your financial situation with him. At this stage in your relationship, your finances are none of his concern, unless of course he was supporting you financially, which he clearly is not. If he wanted to look after you, he would not be asking you to pay rental to live with him. I can understand that you would be expected to make a contribution towards food, utilities etc., but not rental.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Maria | 2012-06-25

I see your point. Walk away then.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anne | 2012-06-25

Hi Maria, I dont see why I should contribute to his bond. If things dont work out between us, I will have to walk away without getting anything out of helping to pay his bond off. My property where I am staying now is paid off, so why do I now have to start paying rent??
Another thing I forgot to mention, he kept on saying he wants to take care of me, look after me, etc, etc....but after all of this I dont feel like he wants to do this at all...its all about money :(

Reply to anne
Posted by: Maria | 2012-06-25

2 Months is way too early. Ito money, I think it would be fair if you calculated the cost of living expenses (rent/bond, groceries, garden services etc.) and split it down the middle, assuming that one partner doesn''t earn significantly less than the other. I don''t know if your bf was dictating to you, it depends on how the conversation went. Were you discussing or negotiating, or did he just lay down the law?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-25

Why is he in such a hurry ? Don't give up your hard-won freedom and independence because he has some drive towards coupling, which may not even be primarily about you.
His comments do sound unduly mercenary and that could be appropriately worrying.
I agree with you, too, that at such an early stage, it is entirely inappropriate for him to expect you to contribute towards his bond payments, i.e. pay towards HIS ownership of a property in which you will have no ownership, while presumably still paying off the bond on your own property, which I gather he was not offering to help you to pay for.
It hardly makes sense for him to, effectively, present you with a bill for him "taking care of you".

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement