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Question
Posted by: sonskyn | 2010/07/14

Money matters

my husband and i have been together for 10years and the last 10 years we have been fighting about money matters . he makes me draw up a budget every week of what we spent for teh week (which is good) and mail it to him then we each have our own accounts and own income but as soon as I spend anything i have to phone him first tell him how much and what it is for and I hate it . i would like to know what works for other couples with their moneys how do they work and what would you suggest

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Excellent responses from other readers. YOu need to negotiate amicably together a method for dealing with family and individual finances, taking into account your earnings and shared debts and expenses. Budgeting is a good thing which he shouldn't MAKE you do, and which you should best work on together. Its nonsense for you to check with him before buying a cup of coffee from your own earnings, but you should BOTH check with each other and discuss any substantial expenditure either of you make.
It sounds as though he is assuming you to be irresponsible with money and to be treating you in a patronizing way, so maybe some marriage counselling to sort out these issues would be useful all round

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Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/07/14

Transparency helps a lot when it comes to financial issues. We also keep separate accounts and are responsible for different things in the house. After everything is paid for one can spend the extra cash as desired. Its just that we''ve made a habit of talking about every item spent on, this makes it easier for me to help him out should he be broke before month end.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/14

my wife and I both work, we keep seperate accounts and investments, I pay for certian things, she pays for others, we havent fought over money as we are both sensible. We still are newly married and have a few more things to iron out in our financial relationship, but as long as there is consideration and respect from BOTh sides, money matters should work out fine whatever arrangement you have between you.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/14

It would depend on different factors like your separate and combined incomes, how much debt you have and who pays for what. Can you not negotiate an amount per month that each of you can spend on whatever you want without telling the other one or seeking approval? And what is good for you should be good for him, does he call you every time before he spends money?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/14

Excellent responses from other readers. YOu need to negotiate amicably together a method for dealing with family and individual finances, taking into account your earnings and shared debts and expenses. Budgeting is a good thing which he shouldn't MAKE you do, and which you should best work on together. Its nonsense for you to check with him before buying a cup of coffee from your own earnings, but you should BOTH check with each other and discuss any substantial expenditure either of you make.
It sounds as though he is assuming you to be irresponsible with money and to be treating you in a patronizing way, so maybe some marriage counselling to sort out these issues would be useful all round

Reply to cybershrink

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