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Question
Posted by: Graham | 2012/10/08

Money matter

Me and my wife both work. We agreed that she pays for groceries and I will settle the rest. SHe has now started paying her parent''s bond to help them, with which I am ok with. Problem is that she complains now monthly that she has difficulty coming out with her salary. I have offered to pay a few thousand per month into her account to help her as I mentioned to her that my salary is her salary. She refuses however and says that she is no beggar! She has now started to buy clothes at discount shops etc and she looks sometimes extremely unfeminine. I hold a senior manager role and am invited to several social events where spouses come along. It has come to the point where I am embarrassed the way she looks. We are both in our late 30''s. Why does she not want to share in my salary?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why does she now have to pay her parents whole bond, when presumably she didn't pay it before ? What has changed there ? Does she have to pay the ENTIRE bond or could she pay a lesser share of it ?
I gather its possible to buy at discount shops and still look terrific, but a woman wanting to plead poverty just might, consciously or unconsciously, select awful outfits to make her point !
Maybe it'd be a wise investment to see a marriage counsellor together, as it sounds as though there is more going on here than merely salaries and bonds.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2012/10/09

Why don''t you then go out of your way to buy her some nice clothes?

Being embarrased by her appearence is a horrible thing to say, even if your intentions are good.

What happend to all her old clothes, anyway? Surely she still has decent clothes?

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Nini | 2012/10/08


Perhaps go and buy her a voucher from a nice clothing store as a gift. Tell her you feel like spoiling her for a change. If she has the voucher then trust me she will use it.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Short Story | 2012/10/08

Once upon a time a lady and a gentleman took their vows and lived together in the same home, furnished and maintained their home, ate the same food, slept in the same bed, watched the same tv, shared their laughter and tears, were intimate together, respected each others families, shared and/or accepted each others friends and besides their individual interests did everything together. Above all, they loved and respected each other and looked forward to having children and bringing them up together.

The only thing that wasnt ''together'' was the work they did and the salaries they earned, but for this foresightful couple they decided that besides the contract that their marriage vows stated, they would make a Financial Contract of their very own. And they called this Contract MARRIAGE (PTY) LIMITED.

They declared themselves directorship on a 50/50 shareholding and ALL money earned was ploughed into this partnership. Like all business partnerships they each contributed a different aspect, but put together, it complimented the business as a whole. What the one couldnt give, the other one gave, and vice versa. After all everything went into living their lives together.
They prospered.

Oh, this couple were both respectful, honest, reliable people - this is the key!

And so.........they lived happily ever after.

(True story - it is my husband''s and my story, and we still going strong after 39 years.)

Reply to Short Story
Posted by: Ricky | 2012/10/08

Hi Graham, Is there really guys like you still out there...you don''t perhaps have a unmarried brother with the same principles..let me know I am very interested

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/08

Why does she now have to pay her parents whole bond, when presumably she didn't pay it before ? What has changed there ? Does she have to pay the ENTIRE bond or could she pay a lesser share of it ?
I gather its possible to buy at discount shops and still look terrific, but a woman wanting to plead poverty just might, consciously or unconsciously, select awful outfits to make her point !
Maybe it'd be a wise investment to see a marriage counsellor together, as it sounds as though there is more going on here than merely salaries and bonds.

Reply to cybershrink

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