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Question
Posted by: KG | 2010/02/01

Money

I sugested to my fiance that after we get married we must combine our salaries and make one household budget and he wil stil get spendin money.he doesnt want to,and l feel that we must iron out isues like this before we get maried.his problem is that he thinks he can save the world,and l think sometimes he misuses the money that we could have used to buy somethin in the house. Do you think its a bad idea to combine our salaries

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I do agree that it is wise to sort out such issues before marriage - sometimes a marriage / couples counsellor can be useful, to help the discussions become fruitful, and perhaps to think of the range of issues worth discussing.
I'm sure other readers will comment on the issue of pooling salaries, which can work if there is a mutually agreed budget and some pocket-money for each of you . But when you say he plans to save the world and he uses the moeny for that sort of thing and knows you disapprove, he will be reluctant to accept any plan that gives you some say in such expenses, though some such agreement makes sense in any mariage

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/02/02

During the first year of my marriage we had a combined budget with all the money being paid into my ex-husbands'  account. This caused major problems because he would pay all the bills and then he would decide what to do with the money left. A year later we split the expenses with my salary going into my own account and I pay certain of the bills and then he paid other bills. Unfortunately I was earning a lot more than him at this stage and I would have money left to perhaps take us to dinner once a month. He resented the fact that I could always afford to take us out for our monthly dinner and he couldn' t.

Financials need to be decided on before marriage and even need to be reviewed if one party suddenly gets a promotion and/or big pay raise. Eventually my ex-husband got so resentful that he wanted a divorce. It wasn' t the only reason for the divorce, but it was a very big part. Now I' m so scared of getting into the same kind of relationship that I don' t even date.

So ensure you get rid of resentment before it damages your relationship beyond repair!

Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/02

He might be reluctant to combine salaries due to the fact that you' ve already said you know better what his money should be used for. It is his money, after all.
Maybe you can draw up a monthly budget together and decide who pays for what each month, and both contribute equally according to your salaries. That way you are both still in control of your own money, but your mutual expenses are covered fairly.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/01

I do agree that it is wise to sort out such issues before marriage - sometimes a marriage / couples counsellor can be useful, to help the discussions become fruitful, and perhaps to think of the range of issues worth discussing.
I'm sure other readers will comment on the issue of pooling salaries, which can work if there is a mutually agreed budget and some pocket-money for each of you . But when you say he plans to save the world and he uses the moeny for that sort of thing and knows you disapprove, he will be reluctant to accept any plan that gives you some say in such expenses, though some such agreement makes sense in any mariage

Reply to cybershrink

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