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Question
Posted by: Anne | 2011/06/20

MOM OLD AGE HOME

My mom is 73 yrs old, has macular degeneration, lives on her own. My sister stay 2 houses from her but works all day. I live in another town - 1 hours drive away. My mom is starting to develop health problems and wants to go to the doctor every week. My sister cannot take off work every time and I live too far and work too. When will it be appropriate to rather let my mom live in an old age home? What must the reasons be? Off course she does not want to go but we worry the whole time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you discussed this calmly and in depth with her ? Very few of us WANT to go to an old age home, but it can be a relief when, for instance, one's sight is unreliable, and one's safety at home is compromised. Presumably at most homes there would be easier access to a doctor, as she wants. Discuss with her what problems she now experiences, what she fears, how you both want to be close and in good contact with her, but how the realities of the situation limit that, but entry to a home would not diminish that, while helping her to be safer and more comfortable meanwhile ? She may be worried about what would happen to her own place and all her things ( some of accumulate a mountain of "stuff: as we go through life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sophie | 2011/06/20

Hi Anne,

Can''t she live with you or your sister? My Mum is moving here from another country and we are going to find a house with a cottage for her to stay in.

All the best.

Reply to Sophie
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/06/20

Hi Anne

Sorry to hear about your mom, my great aunt recently had a stroke and also are now left not being able to do things for herself, she stays with my grandmother and they also can''t attend to her needs.

There is a whole process you go through, mostly filling in forms which is basicly your moms application then someone will come see you and your mother or your sister and they will approve her.

If she is not able to look after herself anymore that is I think a good enough reason.

My great aunt also dont want to go, which break my heart as I also stay a hour away and can''t go visit her as much as I like but in her case its also the best option.

Good luck

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/20

Have you discussed this calmly and in depth with her ? Very few of us WANT to go to an old age home, but it can be a relief when, for instance, one's sight is unreliable, and one's safety at home is compromised. Presumably at most homes there would be easier access to a doctor, as she wants. Discuss with her what problems she now experiences, what she fears, how you both want to be close and in good contact with her, but how the realities of the situation limit that, but entry to a home would not diminish that, while helping her to be safer and more comfortable meanwhile ? She may be worried about what would happen to her own place and all her things ( some of accumulate a mountain of "stuff: as we go through life.

Reply to cybershrink

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