Posted by: Maisy | 2013-02-13

Mom molested when she was 8

My mom told me a long time ago that her elder brother molested her. I said did you tell? She said my mom (your ouma) would not have believed it (true considering I knew my ouma well) and that her father (my oupa) would have killed him. Also true I suspect. Both passed away.

Now with all these bad things going on like the death of Anene she has mentioned it again. I said why don''t you lay a charge? She told me to let it go she is now 70 as if it does not matter. I dislike my Uncle as it is and I totally believe my mom. I wonder if anything happened with his 2 daughters as they do not get on and he rarely sees them.

It is her choice right? I said to her I could confront him one day if she had passed away and he was still alive. I hate the fact that he has money and is so prominent in the church, in fact he talks so much about God and everything. He never apologised to her either.

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Our expert says:
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Its common for people in such situations not to tell about it, for many reasons, including the expectation that they will not be believed and maybe threats from the perpetrator ).
This illustrates how, even if we manage to cope reasonably well with early experiences of abuse, later events can bring about a return of unwelcome memories. But your mom is right, after all this time there's really no point in laying a charge - the police are bad enough at dealing with crimes that happened yesterday, and after this delay, it'd be her word against his, and I doubt that any court would convict. There is no shortage of hypocrites in high places, church and politics, sadly. Sometimes the bad guys get away with it. Sometimes it catches up with them, when they commit a present-day offense, confident that they'll get away with it again.
But there's no value for your mom's sake ( which is surely the most important thing ) in reviving the whole matter and storring up more painful memories for her.

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