Our expert says:
She sounds like a real nightmare guest. She should be advised to seek marriage counselling or individual counselling, and told firmly that she is not welcome to make repeated suddetn visits and to behave badly --- when she is a guest in your home, she should be thoughtul and helpful, and not so selfish and rude. And she must be told to be very cautious about her bad behaviour in from of the kids, and that if she is not careful about it, she will not be welcome to visit at all. And if she shows no gratitude, then you will conclude that the visit is of no value to her, and she may as well not come. Tell her that if she feels distressed, she should see a shrink for her own benefit, but her threats of suicide will not be tolerated or accepted as a basis for emotional blackmail. Give her a set of rules she must obey while in your home ( and only staying for a defined maximum duration ) --- and if she doesn't care to keep to the rules, then she must find somewhere else to stay. She can't check into a hotel and assume she can do anything she fancies while there, without being asked to leave
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