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Question
Posted by: Moeg | 2010/08/03

Moeg vir als

Ek is 34, getroud met ''n eie dogter en stiefdogter. Ek gee als vir daardie twee kinders en probeer hulle sover ek kan. Ek probeer hulle sover moontlik dieselfde behandeling gee. As stiefdogter by haar ma kuier, dan gee ek ekstra spesiale alleenaandag aan my dogter.

My stiefdogter het ewe skielik besluit dat sy my wil ignoreer. Ek is net goed genoeg wanneer sy inligting vir skool nodig het. Verder sal sy nie eens met my praat nie. Sy kan nie stilbly as haar pa in ''n vertrek is nie, maar sodra hy weg is, dan draai sy om en maak asof ek nie bestaan nie. Ek het haar geen rede gegee om so te wees nie.

Ek koop vir haar klere en als, en die ma betaaal waneer sy wil. Ek het nou besluit genoeg is genoeg. Ek is net moeg van als. Moeg van niks wees in ander se oë . Moeg wees van ma wees vir 2 kinders. Moeg van vrou wees. Moeg van almal wat my nie verstaan nie. Ek voel ek kan nie met iemand praat nie, want almal gaan dink ek is stupid om so te voel.

Op hierdie stadium wens ek dat ek ''n einde aan als (my lewe) kan maak!!!!!!! Die enigste ding wat my terug hou is dat ek nie weet by wie ek my kind moet los nie. Haar pa is nie hier naby nie. Ek kan haar nie in die steek laat nie. Ek wil so graag aangaan, maar elke dag is net te lank en leeg.

Wat kan ek doen om myself te help, want ek raak al bang vir my eie gedagtes en als?" ???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu don't seem to mention the age of the children, or any age difference between them, which is highly relevant. Though you are admirably sensitive to possible issues about stepmotherhood, there are ages and stages in which ordinaruy kids behave just as you describe.
Sometimes a child will irritatingly get this challenging. Of course I suppose it is possible that her bio-mom might be stirring some sort of trouble, though I wonder why she would start doing so now, if she had not done so earlier.
If she is hiding this behavior from her father, discuss this with him, and maybe both of you have a discussion with her - so, with him present, she needs to either ignore you in front of him, or to speak with you.
remember such behavior from a child is often not about you at all, though obviously it may feel as though it is. It's about her testing her limits.
My concern is more about why this seems to hurt you so deeply, and why you sound so depressed and despairin. You may well be experiencing a depression, and may deserve treatment for this. And seeing a counsellor may be a good idea, as you obviously deserve support and encouragement you don't seem to be getting. Why isn't your husband playing a major part in solving these problems ? I can assure you no shrink or counsellor would think you in any way "stupid" for being distressed.
You seem most of all to be describing a significant and serious depression, of the sort which should respond really well to treatment, which would benefit you and your daughter, and indeed the whole family. Do arrange to see someone, soon, for assessment and a discussion of treatment options

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/03

YOu don't seem to mention the age of the children, or any age difference between them, which is highly relevant. Though you are admirably sensitive to possible issues about stepmotherhood, there are ages and stages in which ordinaruy kids behave just as you describe.
Sometimes a child will irritatingly get this challenging. Of course I suppose it is possible that her bio-mom might be stirring some sort of trouble, though I wonder why she would start doing so now, if she had not done so earlier.
If she is hiding this behavior from her father, discuss this with him, and maybe both of you have a discussion with her - so, with him present, she needs to either ignore you in front of him, or to speak with you.
remember such behavior from a child is often not about you at all, though obviously it may feel as though it is. It's about her testing her limits.
My concern is more about why this seems to hurt you so deeply, and why you sound so depressed and despairin. You may well be experiencing a depression, and may deserve treatment for this. And seeing a counsellor may be a good idea, as you obviously deserve support and encouragement you don't seem to be getting. Why isn't your husband playing a major part in solving these problems ? I can assure you no shrink or counsellor would think you in any way "stupid" for being distressed.
You seem most of all to be describing a significant and serious depression, of the sort which should respond really well to treatment, which would benefit you and your daughter, and indeed the whole family. Do arrange to see someone, soon, for assessment and a discussion of treatment options

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