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Question
Posted by: Jade | 2012/10/11

Mixed Feelings

Dear Pofessor,

My husband has recently got an offer to study abroad. This is a really great opportunity for him &  he wants me to come along with him.

My problems / reasons for not wanting to go are:
1. I am currently pregnant &  if we do move overseas next year, the baby would have just been born &  only a few months old.
2. My major concern is that my mum is ill with cancer &  doesnt have anyone else to care for her. I have a brother but he ill-treats her &  this really worries me as I dont know how she will cope when I am gone.
3. What if something happens to her while I am gone, how will I live with myself.

We will only be gone for 2 years but alot can change or happen in 2 years &  my biggest concern is my mum. How will she manage as I am the one who takes care of her even though i dont live with her.

She wont even get a chance to spend time with my child because we''ll move as soon as the baby is born.

At the same time I do not want to stop my husband from progressing &  he really wants to do this. I have asked him to turn down opportunities before because of not wanting to leave my mum alone while she was sick &  he has done it. But this time he says that he cant miss this opportunity.

I am so confused as to what to do. I feel obligated to both my husband &  my mum.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is there any flexibility in just WHEN he goes to study abroad ? Could you both, for instance, start in a year's time / a year later ? ? Especially if the sponsors / whoever know that you're pregnant ?
Wanting to care for your mom is right and good. ( if she has a form or stage of cancer that needs personal care ). Maybe a chat with the doc treating her could give useful information.
Maybe he can ask his sponsor / hosts for advice. Maybe he can go alone, but arrangements could be made for you and your child to visit him periodically, when your mom is a bit better and others can help care for her ( such as the cancer association ).

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/10/12

I too say go for it. Go with your husband and the baby, they are your future.
Get Hospice involved with caring for your mother. See her Doctor and make arrangements.
If something happens you can get on a flight and be with your mom in a couple of hours.
two years goes past VERY quick so you will be back soon.
Just do it, I say. It is after all for your and your child/children''s future....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Jade | 2012/10/11

No, there is no flexibilty in when he can go. It has to be April next year, we do not have an option. My mum is able to care for herself at this stage but I just cant help worry. I worry about her all the time &  cancer is genarally so unpredictable. A person can be fine one day &  then not the next. But she is currently on treatment &  doing well.

i guess Im just scared to take a chance with my mum &  with such a big change already happening (the baby).

Everyone says we must go for it &  its only a sacrifice of 2 years, I wish i had the same optomism.

Reply to Jade
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/11

Is there any flexibility in just WHEN he goes to study abroad ? Could you both, for instance, start in a year's time / a year later ? ? Especially if the sponsors / whoever know that you're pregnant ?
Wanting to care for your mom is right and good. ( if she has a form or stage of cancer that needs personal care ). Maybe a chat with the doc treating her could give useful information.
Maybe he can ask his sponsor / hosts for advice. Maybe he can go alone, but arrangements could be made for you and your child to visit him periodically, when your mom is a bit better and others can help care for her ( such as the cancer association ).

Reply to cybershrink

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