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Question
Posted by: Patricia | 2010-11-05

Mixed feelings

I met someone 6 weeks ago and we''re in a relationship now. When I met him, I really liked him. I needed a new love too, so I think I was a little forward and let things develop too quickly. Then we had sex for the first time and he didn''t disappoint me at all. It was very romantic. However, the second night we spent together was a nightmare. I was freezing and had a headache but he kept on hugging me and kissing me when I only wanted to be left alone. A week later, we went somewhere and he started kissing me and touching my stomach under my shirt (which I told him I don''t want to do in public), then it even started to rain and I wanted to leave but he didn''t care and just continued. I got angry and tried to explain that he reminds me of someone when he does that. I thought it would lead to a conversation that I wanted to have, but he just said " People will always remind you of someone else" . But the truth is that he reminds me of a boyfriend that I had in the past, who was married and I didn''t know, and who had sex with me that was like rape (it hurt so much but he wouldn''t stop). Well, when my current boyfriend does little things that are against my will, it reminds me of the other guy and I get very angry. I''m also so angry that he didn''t even ask who he reminds me of. He often ignores things I say. Honestly, I wonder if they hurt him and he prefers not to know details. But still. He''s always eager to see me and never gets tired of sending me messages when we''re not together. And when we are together, he kisses me all the time and is very romantic. Plus, I''ve met 2 of his friends and he wants me to meet more friends and his family. In a way, he''s very caring and patient. But his ignoring me when I say something that doesn''t interest him or when he needs to have his way more often than I do make me very angry.
Some days I''ll be almost passionate and I''ll almost forget that I''m still very much in love with my last ex (not the married one) who is the most amazing person I''ve ever met, but other days I''ll compare my current boyfriend to my first one and I''ll swear to myself that I''ll never see him again.

He knows nothing of this. He knows my love history and thinks that''s all in the past. But he sees me angry or cold sometimes and still he doesn''t even seem to notice or care. How can it be? He seems to have the profile of a married man who is in this relationship with me with a " all he can get"  mood and who doesn''t mind so much if things don''t work in the end because he has a backup love. Still he was affectionate with me around his friends and he loves to advertise our relationship everywhere we go. Am I judging him wrong?

Note - he lives with a mysterious ex-girlfriend, who is so incredibly shy that I can''t visit. However, we meet at his door very often and kiss in front of neighbours and everybody, and I''ve heard him speak to her on occasion when he opened the door to get something. I don''t like this at all.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Always be cautious when you consider that you "need love" This guy sounds smug, selfish and inconsiderate. And you may be still too wrapped up in your ex to be able to have a stable new relationship.
He supposedly lives with an ex gf ? Are you sure she isn't another current gf, or even a wife ? You have made this mistake before.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Apple | 2010-11-05

Ek dink nie hy is getroud nie... juis oor die rede dat hy jou soen voor die bure. My common sense sê  vir my dat as hy getroud was, sou hy bang gewees het die bure praat.

Hy klink baie selfsugtig... het net belangstelling in dinge wat hom baat vir die oomblik.

Ek dink ook dat as jy al so voel na net 6 weke, dan gaan dit nie werk nie. Jammer, daaroor, maar dit is realiteit.

Sterkte en mooi bly!


Reply to Apple
Posted by: Ph | 2010-11-05

Wow, you are a brave one to get into such relationship. Why is it so many relationships have got the ex factor. No girl could be " shy"  if nothing is going on. Is she not " shy"  because she is been threatened into being shy? I had a guy who said his wife was his maid who actually comes in only on a specific day... dont be fooled. The world is a strange strange place, start looking after yourself. We all need love but dont go searching for it in the wrong place.

Reply to Ph
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-05

Always be cautious when you consider that you "need love" This guy sounds smug, selfish and inconsiderate. And you may be still too wrapped up in your ex to be able to have a stable new relationship.
He supposedly lives with an ex gf ? Are you sure she isn't another current gf, or even a wife ? You have made this mistake before.

Reply to cybershrink

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