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Question
Posted by: Chelsey | 2011/01/20

Miss him...

I was in love with someone else before I got married. I was never sure how he felt about me, so I got married anyway. I love my husband, but I still (after 5 years) have feelings for this other guy.

We get together from time to time for coffee or so. We have had se> <  a couple of times, but like once a year in the last 5 years. We are constantly communicating via email though - every day if we can and phone each other from time to time too. We really are great friends.

Thing is I fell pregnant and since the day I told him he dissapeared. Not a word or an explanation. I am really hurt. Thought I meant somethign to him. He is also married and also has a child,which did not stop me from keeping in contact with him.

Why did he right me off so easily now that I am expecting?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are being persistently unfaithful to your husband. Sexually, occasionally, but persistently in an emotional and very real sense. And this other guy has most of the advantages of being married with none of the disadvantages.
And you are happy that this guy has also been persistently cheating on HIS wife and kids.
Why did he disappear when he heard you were pregnant ? Was he scared that this one might be his ?
If it is his, you both have a problem, as does his wife and your husband. You seem to be worrying about your lover not keeping daily contact with you, and to be not in the least worried about cheating on your husband and children with a married man. Don't you perhaps need to see a counsellor to get a better understanding of your responsibilities ?

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19
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/01/20

Now, let us hope your husband does not find out about your little 5 year fling !!

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/20

Because................... you are a " piece on the side"  and who wants a pregnant " piece on the side" ? Or a " piece on the side"  with children hanging around?
Women can be so so stupid sometimes.
Do you NOT understand that when a man is married, he will NEVER leave his family for you?
He is using you "  Fee of Charge"  getting what he would have been paying for were you not so willing and able .
Se)( and a soulder to cry on, and a sympathetic ear !! WOW all for free

Reply to Romany
Posted by: XXX | 2011/01/20

Just as well he has gone,it can only lead to heartache.You need to focus on your baby and husband now,so forget the past.
You were being used for a casual bonk and now you need to forget.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Chelsey | 2011/01/20

Buller, in a way I am glad. That means that I can give my husband and child all my attention. Not that I ever neglected my relationship with my husband. Our relationship is fine.

I just miss the other guy. We had things in common that I don''t have with my husband. Certain outlooks and beliefs that we could talk about for hours that I would never talk to my husband about. I really looked up to him for life support and motivation. He was almost my voice of reason...now his gone.

Reply to Chelsey
Posted by: BULLER | 2011/01/20

for him to just vanish is kind of childish, but you should be glad he is gone so you can pay more attention to your husband and be faithful to him after all he is your husband.

Reply to BULLER
Posted by: Sue | 2011/01/20

Hi Chelsea,

I am in the same situation. I met a guy, we were both not married, going through divorces but in a relationship. There was an attraction but nothing came of it. Ten years later we still feel that same attraction. We met at the gym to train together weekly and texted about once a week as well. We were never intimate but just good friends. Then I got pregnant and I never heard from him again. I really don''t know what went through his head, is he giving me space to bring my baby into the world? I don''t know, but I do know that I miss that weekly contact.

Sigh.........

Reply to Sue
Posted by: Soul | 2011/01/20

Chelsey you should be having that kind of relationship with your husband.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/20

Mandy are you speaking from experience?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Chelsey | 2011/01/20

Thanks for all your comments.

I just want to say that expecting the baby has brought me and my husband closer. We are very excited about the new addition, so no I don''t want to leave my husband.

It was never our intentions to leave our families to be together, in fact we knew that we would probably not last together anyway. We really were good friends, shared so much with each other, not just about us but stuff, life, work, friends, family. We know everything about one another. It was not just an affair like any other where the people just want to jump each others bones all the time. It was not like that.

I just wish he told me why he can''t be in my life anymore. It would have made it easier. I guess now I will never know...

Reply to Chelsey
Posted by: Mandy | 2011/01/20

Its difficult once one get involved in an affair. Everybody crucifies you and you have to face it. It is tough and not very wise just as stealing, lying, gossiping and judging. We get exposed to things and our emotions changes so quicky. Good luck. Just a question... how long has it been since you heard of him? maybe he feels a bit hurt. Everyone always thinks the man has no feelings and he runs cause he suddenly does not care. YOU were the one that was with him so YOU the only one that knows best. Yes a man is scared that he looses his family but hey so is a woman....anyway good luck!!!

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: Soul | 2011/01/20

Why wouldn''t he be supportive, his not interested in you the way you are in him, all you are to him is a mistress. His not going to give up what he has with his family for you, and maybe it took his this long to realize it. There was nothing to right off you were convenient for him.
I agree with CS you need a better understading of your responsibilites. Your concern is more for your lover, does your husband cross your mind at all in all this? Cause just as you are convenient for your lover so is your husband convenient for you.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Trace | 2011/01/20

wanted to add, there is no such love as a love between a mother and her child, I personally believe thats all the love we need....

Reply to Trace
Posted by: Trace | 2011/01/20

Once you have your child you will not have time to think of him (as we both know you are chasing the devil) all your focus will be on this little person who i sgoing to bring so much joy and love to your life. And if you dont love your husband, get divorced there is no point staying in a marriage for another five years and wasting his and your time...

Reply to Trace
Posted by: ip | 2011/01/20

Congratulations!

Reply to ip
Posted by: Chelsey | 2011/01/20

I have not been intimate with him for nearly a year, so no it is not his baby. I am not that stupid. He even knew that my husband and I have been trying for a baby. He actually supported me in the whole thing because his child means so much to him. That is why I am so surprised that he is gone.

Reply to Chelsey
Posted by: Turiya | 2011/01/20

Let it be... You need to focus your energy on your coming family and husband. It is ok to think of him often as it sounds you were very close but take this as a sign and dont be needy. When you think of him,send him love and light, then drop it...

Reply to Turiya
Posted by: Chelsey | 2011/01/20

For 5 years? I don''t know. Look I have decided not to contact him again. He made the choice. Still hurst though.

Reply to Chelsey
Posted by: UHM | 2011/01/20

He did this, because this whole time to him it was a chase and a flirt, but now that you are pregnant he maybe realised that what he is doing is wrong and that you also have a complete family of your own, forget about him, to him it was the thrill of the chase...

Reply to UHM
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

You are being persistently unfaithful to your husband. Sexually, occasionally, but persistently in an emotional and very real sense. And this other guy has most of the advantages of being married with none of the disadvantages.
And you are happy that this guy has also been persistently cheating on HIS wife and kids.
Why did he disappear when he heard you were pregnant ? Was he scared that this one might be his ?
If it is his, you both have a problem, as does his wife and your husband. You seem to be worrying about your lover not keeping daily contact with you, and to be not in the least worried about cheating on your husband and children with a married man. Don't you perhaps need to see a counsellor to get a better understanding of your responsibilities ?

Reply to cybershrink

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