Our expert says:
Marriage counselling is an obvious need, and perhaps the issue then becomes persuading him to join you in such counselling. If his own best friend has difficulty talking with him, and also can't understand what's troubling him, it's clearly no fault of yours that you also find him unfathomable. In his family maybe nobody was interested in his trooubles, so he grew into a habit of not disclosing them, and perhaps when, younger, he tried to talk about things, the results were discouraging. Maybe he was brought up, as some families do, unfortunately, to believe that he HAS to be entirely self-sufficient, and that it is a bad sign of weaknes to ask for or even need help.
From your description ( you don't mention his age ) this sounds like a mid-life crisis ( which one can have at almost any age ) when someone is troubled by trying to understand who they are and why ; and it is surely related to the loss of his mother, which I know can be a crippling tragedy for someone --- even, surpisingly, or someone who seemed to have a bad relationship with her. The reading, the guitar, sounds like someone perhaps more aware of mortality and the need for us to use well the time we have. Its sad though that he seems to be seeing this in terms of what HE feels the need to do, rather than what he should be doing WITH you.
His mom's death was very recent. Give him time to work on that. Indicate that you are worried about him for his sake, and would like to be helpful when you can, and leave it for a while to see if he can bring himself to approach you.
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