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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-18

mid life crisis or me?

Hi I' ve been married for over 10 years now &  have 3 beautiful daughters youngest aged 3. My life have been one downward spiral and I am being left hurt, confused and angry all at the same time. My husband &  I do not communicate at all , he seems angry with me and won' t talk (have tried this) His best friend has had chats with him &  can' t figure out the problem as my Husband is like a closed book. HIs family is wealthy and this is also getting in the way as he displays the attitude of a spoilt brat, life is becoming very difficult as I can' t continue like this for the sake of my girls. I need some direction as I don' t know what to do. My husbands behaviour has taken a very strange turn, leaving the house not saying where he is going , reading books (which he never did before) and now expressing the need to do guitar lessons . (I know for a fact that he is not having an affair) Is he searching for something , his mom passed away last month could this have something to do with his. I am trying to figure it all out but finding it hard as I can' t talk to him at all, he seems so angry with me but can' t explan what the problem is.
I really need some advise on how to handle this .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage counselling is an obvious need, and perhaps the issue then becomes persuading him to join you in such counselling. If his own best friend has difficulty talking with him, and also can't understand what's troubling him, it's clearly no fault of yours that you also find him unfathomable. In his family maybe nobody was interested in his trooubles, so he grew into a habit of not disclosing them, and perhaps when, younger, he tried to talk about things, the results were discouraging. Maybe he was brought up, as some families do, unfortunately, to believe that he HAS to be entirely self-sufficient, and that it is a bad sign of weaknes to ask for or even need help.
From your description ( you don't mention his age ) this sounds like a mid-life crisis ( which one can have at almost any age ) when someone is troubled by trying to understand who they are and why ; and it is surely related to the loss of his mother, which I know can be a crippling tragedy for someone --- even, surpisingly, or someone who seemed to have a bad relationship with her. The reading, the guitar, sounds like someone perhaps more aware of mortality and the need for us to use well the time we have. Its sad though that he seems to be seeing this in terms of what HE feels the need to do, rather than what he should be doing WITH you.
His mom's death was very recent. Give him time to work on that. Indicate that you are worried about him for his sake, and would like to be helpful when you can, and leave it for a while to see if he can bring himself to approach you.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-18

very true he might well be, but has assured his best friend that he doesn' t have time and infidelity was also the cause of his parents divorce so he has had first hand experience of what this can do to a family.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-18

sorry but how could you know for a fact that he' s not cheating?

Reply to Anonymous

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