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Question
Posted by: wife | 2013-01-17

Mid life crisis

Im sure my husband is going through a mid life crisis at the moment. he is 45 years old and has just lost interest in all the things he liked to do. It seems he just want to sit around doing nothing but watch sports lately.

Now he is coming up with all these ridiculous ideas, he want to take out a loan to make an extravangent purchase of boys toys, R70 000 worth of..... Even if we had the money (which we dont ) to buy things he has never had an interest in...

Now we arent talking coz i said its not a good idea and what is the point of getting a loan to pay off something when I KNOW its not going to get used......... its all for image and all his work collegues have motorbikes and boats and all the boys toys . it like he is trying to keep up with the Joneses all of a sudden!

Will this pass? Im tyring hard to be supportive but he is just so angry with me all the time, whatever i do - its just never good enough or right..................

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Splashing out a little on a boys toy here and there may be OK, but at R 70,000 that's a but steep ! And if paid for by a loan, that's very risky. Sounds like he's begun to feel insecure, especially when comparing himself with the boys at work, and he's probably angry with you beause deep down he knows you're absolutely right.
Lets see what other readers can contribute here - surely several have been through this ? Can he be persuaded to start on a small scale, with one of the toys, a cheaper one, and see if it actually brings him any proportionate pleasure ? Rather than speaking in ways he can interpret, however unfairly, as critical, can you explore sympathetically whether he is feeling unhappy, dissatisfied with his work and life-style, and perhaps open to seeing someone to explore ways of improving those more central aspects of his happiness ? Is it possible to explore whether he might consider selecting something from among the toys he's thinking of, which he could share with you, rather than as a solitary pleasure ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2013-01-18

There comes a time that we ahve to reward ouselves for hard work  even it means that we can''t allways afford it.
As we get older  we have sacrificed so much for our kids. Turning the penies over and over. Adn us men become older  we can feel that we can''t do the things we used to. That starts happening fast in our 40''s.
So before we are completely over the wall or dead  we want to just live a little.
I know it sounds silly. But you know what  the little bit of joy one gets from getting that toy really makes a huge diffirence for a man. Please allow your man this  it will really go a long way to pep him up a little...

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