Posted by: Mia | 2012-09-25

Mia not letting go

Hi there I am a 29 year old female, I have been bulimic for a while... I am currently seeing a psychiatrist for other reasons. I am lately feeling very gross about myself I always smell of vomit my bathroom always smells like vomit. Our drain was blocked and I couldn''t do it in the toilet and I was scared my partner will put 2 and 2 together so I threw up in a plastic bag in my cupboard and kept my " bags"  hidden until no one was around and then I threw it away. (I know that''s gross)

My throat is so sore I cant eat or drink anything hot it hurts to much. I always have sores around my mouth. I feel tired of being this way... but then I try and eat normal... and I just end up sticking my finger down my throat again :o( and when I do manage to keep something down I end up feeling so bad I punish myself with exercise.

My question is ... I am very scared of ending up in hosp my doc wanted me to go already for other reasons but i talked him out of doing that. Should I talk to him abt this or not? I am 2 very different minds. When my throat burns after a b and p session I always feel like I want to get help for my secret problem but then when I go and look at myself in the mirror and all I see is a fat ugly pig (my bmi is 20) I think to myself no I cant get help now I need to lose more weight first!!! I am to FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT!!!

Very confused want help but don''t really want help??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageEating Disorders Expert

Hello Mia,
I strongly suggest that you consider your doctor's advice, as you do sound quite desperate. It is very unlikely that you are going to spontaneously recover, and you need to reach out for help. Your relationship is likely already under threat, just with the strain of secrecy you carry. I am not sure what your other (psychiatric) problems are, but I suggest that you undergo an assessment and see to what extent these problems all interlink. Have you a psychologist or an eating disorders treatment centre close to you?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: In recovery from eating disorder | 2012-09-29

Dear Mia,

I can really relate to your problem, the mere fact that you have asked for help means that there is a small part of you that wants help.

i had to go into rehab at harmony clinic in cape town for 9 months and it was really tough but i really have a world beyond my wildest dreams today.

get help, this disease kills

Reply to In recovery from eating disorder

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