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Question
Posted by: Tanya | 2010/09/27

Messed up

I am seriously ruining a fantastic relationship with my husband and I feel so stupid. we had a summer party on Friday evening, where my son caught his dad kissing his receptionist. they were both drunk, and can" t recall this action. I confronted him on the Saturday, and he showed me an sms from her where she apologised for her behaviour, I took his phone and wrote don" t worry we will discuss on Monday - and ended it " Love Michael"  and I stupid, anyway he took the phone back and sms her back not to reply. I send her an sms to say that it was not acceptable for her kissing my husband etc, and she apologsed, anyway, my husband is not talking to me because of this. I feel terrible, - and am disgusted in myself. what can I do to fix this mess?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like everyone acted foolishly when under the influence of alcohol - and this is a sound reminder that the damage caused by alcohol isn't limited to liver and chronic brain damage, but includes dumb behaviour with accompanying haziness in remembering it.
I'm puzzled though - you chose indeed insisted on sending a message to the receptionist, ending it with "love" from your husband ? And you did that while stone cold sober ?
These issues are murkly, and not helped by conducting highly emotional intermersonal matters by SMS. Surely you need to talk more calmly with your husband ( no cellphones in the room ) and then maybe each or both of you with the receptionist, ditto ?
For your husband not to be talking to you at a time like this is childish and solves nobody's problems - hopefully this phase should not last long. Sometimes a guy refuses to talk to you because he can't think of what to say.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Germ | 2010/09/27

You where probably just freaked out at the moment you sent the sms and did not think clear … 
Is there feelings or are you unsure I would think so as to kiss at your house knowing there is a chance to get caught is a big risk for if it was just a kiss
Talk to him and ask him to be honest
strange that she left her fiancee that day

Reply to Germ
Posted by: Tanya | 2010/09/27

I wrote the stupid sms and ended it " Love Michael"  that was dumb _ she is a 21yr old, quite pretty, body to die for, never finished matric, and has a 4 yr old daughter. Her fiancee she left that evening, beats her up...
I feel that i messed up, a kiss can be fixed, unless there are feelings involved, but that sms is uncalled for, anyway I send her an sms from my phone and said that I send those sms''s snd she apologed again saying she will resign if she must. I just don" t know what made me send the first sms, I might have issues?

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: Germ | 2010/09/27

Sorry to tell you this but he knew what he was doing that is like the oldest trick in the book I was so drunk I can’ t remember bla bla bla… ..
He is not talking to you because he is trying to make you feel bad and take the blame he was wrong not you !!
And he is seeing this woman every day at work does that not bother you I would not talk to him so he knows what he did is wrong
And of all your kid witnessed this… …  really hope you can sort it out but don’ t take the blame for it… .you did not cheat on him remember

Reply to Germ
Posted by: lizard | 2010/09/27

he''s ruining the realtionship not you

Reply to lizard
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/27

Sounds like everyone acted foolishly when under the influence of alcohol - and this is a sound reminder that the damage caused by alcohol isn't limited to liver and chronic brain damage, but includes dumb behaviour with accompanying haziness in remembering it.
I'm puzzled though - you chose indeed insisted on sending a message to the receptionist, ending it with "love" from your husband ? And you did that while stone cold sober ?
These issues are murkly, and not helped by conducting highly emotional intermersonal matters by SMS. Surely you need to talk more calmly with your husband ( no cellphones in the room ) and then maybe each or both of you with the receptionist, ditto ?
For your husband not to be talking to you at a time like this is childish and solves nobody's problems - hopefully this phase should not last long. Sometimes a guy refuses to talk to you because he can't think of what to say.

Reply to cybershrink

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