Our expert says:
Some of the cleverest people I know make stupid decisions. And clever isn't the same as wise. I saw Mbeki as possibly the cleverest guy to ever run SA, but one of the least wise.
Fortunately, if you don't like who you are, you can change much of that, especially as regards behaviour and attitides. With appropriate CBT and other counselling help. And the way you describe the problem sounds like a clar invitation for CBT. Your aunts were no stupid at all, though their actions were unwise, especiall if they had not sought expert help for their depressions. With such a family history there is an increased risk of developing depression --- not inevitable, but more than in a uniformly happy family. That you are in good control sometimes, proves that you CAN be in good control.
Now, money to see a therapist. Firstly, take into account the cost of NOT seeing a therapist. Then explore options --- what's available through your nearest major state hospital, medical school Dept of Psychology & Psychiatry ? Call Lifeline and your local branch of the Depression & Aniety Support Group ( numbers on this page ) to see if there are other economical services within reach.
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