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Question
Posted by: sarah | 2009/04/02

men will they grow up ??

hi guys
Please help me out with this issue I have ,My finace and I had a huge blowout and he started getting aggresive ,his parents noticed this and really spoke to him about and was highly dissapoinnted.I myself was full of tears and upset and said alot of things in anger like we over and that we finished.he called to apolagise the same nite and I caould hera he felt terrible about u it.But i will still upset and didnt talk for days eventually I called him to see whats actually happening with as ,as we seeing each other for almost 6 years and he tells me that he needs time to get back to the person he used to be and try and gain everything he lost.I told him that thats great and I do support him Bt he doesnt want my help all I haer him saying is move on and find someone else to can traet you right .Basically I can tell his feelng sorry for himself.Truth is I need him right now I just fouund out that I have haelth issue and I want him around me.I am scared that maybe we are just meant.I need advise urgently.should I move on ??Should I be patient.But if I am gooing to be patient Im going to horbour ill feeling I know it ...Help please

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Our expert says:
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See a relationship counsellor together, eg through FAMSA

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2009/04/02

With men the madness only stops once they close the coffin lid - no offence to the guys on the forum. Dont stay with an abuser - they dont change. If he really wants to get help then tell him you will give him a few months alone but during that time he must go for counselling and prove he is going and then get him to agree to go to couple counselling together later on to get your relationship back on track - if he wont then you know he isnt interested.

I am sorry to hear about your heath problem but the truth is men arent really the ones to turn to when you have these issues - turn to your mom or sisters or friends - this guy will probably just complain that you are putting even more pressure on him

Iether way you have to look after yourself and be strong for yourself. The only person we can rely on in the end is ourselves. Thats not to say dont trust anyone, but remember to look out for yourself - your core self. Protect your own health, your own integrity, dont wait for others to do it for you.

Best of luck

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Liza | 2009/04/02

Soon after marrying my ex-husband, I was looking for a job and he told me to not be so choosy since I ' wouldn' t find a job earning more than R1500 a month anyway' . I subsequently spent 4 months doing a short course and immediately got a job for R5000 per month. He never got over the fact that I quickly started earning more than he did. So even though he told me that in ' anger'  and refuted it afterwards, it was always an issue in our marriage. Even couples counselling as well as seperate counselling did not work...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: sarah | 2009/04/02

yeah '  ME ' i would alos love to know that ...

Reply to sarah
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/04/02

To ' ME'  what is it that your wife said to you 15yrs ago that you still remember today?

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: ME | 2009/04/02

Sarah just remember at the time u said it, u meant it. Why else would u have said it. I think both of u already said to much. Rather leave things as they r. Those spoken words will surface again, if not 2morrow, next week or next year, but surface they will, i can promise u.

Reply to ME
Posted by: Me ?? | 2009/04/02

I am sorry, I wish you well in your endeavours, true love does conquer in the end, and if you feel he is worth fighting for then by all means does so.

Reply to Me ??
Posted by: sarah | 2009/04/02

I told him that i didnt mean it and tried explaining myself,but he wnt buge I cant understand whya as he said alot me as well ...and if anyone is in the wrong its him.Im trying to make thing right again but he wont haer anything....I have now given up and we havent spoken for a week already.

Reply to sarah
Posted by: Me ?? | 2009/04/02

Sarah, ME is right, my hubby has said things to me in anger and I have never forgotten. He doesn' t remember but I do. Think before you speak, but you both do need to talk. It does help.

Reply to Me ??
Posted by: ME | 2009/04/02

Sarah, just a word of caution. Be careful what u say when u r angry. One can never take back the words u have spoken. What u have said was said. U cant take it back ever. He will remember them for ever. So posssibly u said the wrong things. I can remember my wife told me something almost 15 years ago, its still stuck in my head. I cannot forget it.

Reply to ME

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