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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2012/02/16

Men problems again

Hi CS,
I got engaged last year in November and now it seems what has happened in the past in my relationships is surfacing again, as soon as I am engaged the man either looses his job or gives it up. Why this happens I don''t know.
I took out a loan to help him with an endeavour which was bogus, a big loan for me. He knew he was on the verge of loosing his bakkie, which is the only vehicle he had left for his business which still brought money in. If I had known his bakkie was in trouble I would have used some of the money loaned to pay it. To top it all off we have signed my car as assurity with a friend that lent us money. I am thus on the edge to loose everything again. I don''t even know at this stage if my job is secure or not. I had a lot of absenteeism due to problems with exhaustion. It has since been estabished that I have sleep apnea and need the machine, which I cannot afford now.
I ended up in Denmar early this year and my meds were changed toatally, the medication I take during the day now keeps me awake irrespective of whether I am tired or not. Just to let you know to what extreme it went, I fell asleep behind the wheel of my car and had an accident. Thanks to all the angels at work that day, the accident wasn''t severe and no one got hurt. There were also times whereif the family tried to wake me it was as though I was comatose, they couldn''t wake me, I would acknowledge them but pass out again.
Now the fiance has helped a lot in the sense that he does a lot for me, he is still getting jobs in but then chases the scheme again with the money which is putting a lot of strain on me as everything is on my name. I don''t know what to do, I cannot afford all the finances on my own, but what else has he not told me?
Why is it that the men in my life don''t think they need to earn a living, I want to be looked after for a change?
Take Care
BT

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds as though things have become awfully complex again, and on the medicatiopn front, this absolutely has to be discused with your shrink. You also absolutely don't need another loser in your life, or someone who chanses failed schemes with your money or with money that should be yours. BT, with your infallible skill for finding the Wrong Man, you need at least a Second Opinion before starting up any relationship at all ! ANd you need to draw up a list of requirements in advance, to ensure that no man in your life will have unrealistic expectations. Indeed, think carefully whether you really need a man in your life - you seem to do pretty well on your own, and to get into complex messes when a man enters the scene
Nini's suggestion of debt counselling, urgently, sounds like a good idea, too

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Our users say:
Posted by: In motion | 2012/02/17

maybe you need some time alone. See debt councellor and start al over again on your own. Good luck

Reply to In motion
Posted by: CP MOM | 2012/02/17

Just ignore the biatches on this site.....its still the same old people who just cannot find it in their hearts to HELP but rather just be the nasty people they are...eish

I cant remember your name and surname ha ha ha ha old age im turning 45 this year...ok try this - gysmo123 at gmail dot com

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Frustrated | 2012/02/16

Once again l wonder if you should not change your name to beyond help. How do you always manage to get yourself into these situations? How could you possibly get engaged to this man? At the end of last year you were going to dump the last looser- we suggested a restraining order. ls this the same man or a new looser?

Reply to Frustrated
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2012/02/16

CP Mom it is difficult to give my addie here as it is my name and surname @gmail. Send me yours and I will contact you.

BTW, how I got a loan is beyond me, I am sequestrated, I didn''t think I would qualify and thus went ahead to attempt, when it was approved I believed maybe this was to show me that I should help him. Silly, I Know......

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Realist | 2012/02/16

You have to accept that the guy is a LOSER ! He will forever be chasing the " Big One"  and its not going to happen. He will bleed you dry, financially and mentally without a care in the world. Just leave him, hard as it may be, and start making a life for yourself. You cannot afford to have this millstone around your neck. Just do it.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Maria | 2012/02/16

BT, sorry but do you have SUCKER tattooed on your forehead?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Nini | 2012/02/16

I cannot offer any advice on the relationship side, but is there any way that you could go for debt review / debt councilling asap to avoid you being faced with a situation where you could lose everything? Best to do it now before it''s too late. At least this way they can help you manage the financial side of your problems, so as to allow you to focus a little on the rest of your issues.

Anyway, just a thought...

Reply to Nini
Posted by: CP Mom | 2012/02/16

OH MY GOODNESS....howz that...whats yout email addie?

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2012/02/16

Hi CP Mom,
Yes it is I.
BT

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: CP Mom | 2012/02/16

BT is that you? from way back when?

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/16

This sounds as though things have become awfully complex again, and on the medicatiopn front, this absolutely has to be discused with your shrink. You also absolutely don't need another loser in your life, or someone who chanses failed schemes with your money or with money that should be yours. BT, with your infallible skill for finding the Wrong Man, you need at least a Second Opinion before starting up any relationship at all ! ANd you need to draw up a list of requirements in advance, to ensure that no man in your life will have unrealistic expectations. Indeed, think carefully whether you really need a man in your life - you seem to do pretty well on your own, and to get into complex messes when a man enters the scene
Nini's suggestion of debt counselling, urgently, sounds like a good idea, too

Reply to cybershrink

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