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Question
Posted by: wow | 2011-09-03

men in panties

I walked into the bathroom to find my rough and rugged husband standing in front of the mirror wearing my little g string lace panties, with an erection that obviously couldnt fit, he said he was just trying something new, but wow what a freakish sight. He had shaved his pubes for the first time, and caught red handed in my panties, he says he is not a cross dresser, and is by no means gay, but what the hell, if wearing panties is not cross dressing than what is, and if men shaving pubes is not gay, than what is. I dont know how to respond to this, it doesnt make sense at all, and is not the man I married, I wouldnt marry a man in panties with no pubes, but I adore him, but cant get over this, I think its sick, opinions please

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This does not necessarily mean that he is gay nor does it necessarily mean he is a cross dresser...it could do, but not necessarily. Many men shave their pubic hair because it enhances sensation and also gives the impression of a bigger penis; however, the combination of him wearing your lace underwear with an erection at the same time does look like he is exploring a different part of his sexuality(this does not infer sexual orientation, I mean that which turns him on). Some men (and frequently rough and rugged men) do find some form of erotic arousal in cross-dressing; it is not that uncommon. I understand that this may be a shock to you; it sounds like it's something he is really nervous about too. I wonder if you might be able to talk this through with him without getting too freaked out in order to try to understand what's going on for him and then figure out if it's something you can or cannot deal with once you understand it better? If not, perhaps you could see a suitable counsellor (either alone or together) to help you to work through your reaction and keep the relationship strong.

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gary | 2011-09-09

Dear wow. I can understand that you are shocked about catching him like that, but I do think you have a misconception on what cross-dressing and gay means. Firstly, NONE of the gay men I know, however effeminate actually wears or want to wear women''s underwear. That is just it, gay men are attracted to men, not women. Then secondly, most guys that does try on women''s panties are very much rugged and straight guys. If he starts wanting to wear women''s clothes because he wants to feel like a woman, then yes, he might be a cross dresser. What he did - supposedly in private, is a fetish. It turns him on sexually to have shaved pubes and see himself in female underwear. It is a purely sexual fantasy, and actually quite common under straight men. You get men wearing woman''s panties under their suits. Not because they want to be women, but because the feel and thought of it turns them on sexually, as was clear from his erection. It is not sick, it is just excentric. And yes, MANY straight men like the feeling of shaven pubes, as many women do. Like the sexologist said, it feels clean, and makes your penis look bigger, and it enhances sensations. I agree that you should get over being freaked and sit him down and try to understand his side too. At least it means that he is willing to experiment, and if that is the case, and you handle this right, you really could have an exciting sexlife

Reply to Gary
Posted by: Ziggy Ole | 2011-09-08

One question for Wow: did it turn you on at all to see your rugged man in a little pair of panties, full erection, shaven pubes?

Reply to Ziggy Ole
Posted by: Nonni | 2011-09-05

No, this behaviour is very strange. This not how a real man behaves. What you say makes me think of the movie Brokeback Mountain. Big, rugged men - who turned out to be not so much.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: comfort | 2011-09-04

I would find it also creepy, especially if it''s something he didn''t care to share prior to " getting this idea"  but rather was caught red-handed in that situation. It certainly would plant a seed of doubt in my mind too... it is not something men normally do, unless... Sometimes, things happen for a reason and you are now in a position to take a cool, objective look.
Hope you sort this problem out between the two of you, which eventually has to happen for your (and hopefully his) peace of mind. After all, relationships are based on trust and openness.
Best of luck!

Reply to comfort
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011-09-03

This does not necessarily mean that he is gay nor does it necessarily mean he is a cross dresser...it could do, but not necessarily. Many men shave their pubic hair because it enhances sensation and also gives the impression of a bigger penis; however, the combination of him wearing your lace underwear with an erection at the same time does look like he is exploring a different part of his sexuality(this does not infer sexual orientation, I mean that which turns him on). Some men (and frequently rough and rugged men) do find some form of erotic arousal in cross-dressing; it is not that uncommon. I understand that this may be a shock to you; it sounds like it's something he is really nervous about too. I wonder if you might be able to talk this through with him without getting too freaked out in order to try to understand what's going on for him and then figure out if it's something you can or cannot deal with once you understand it better? If not, perhaps you could see a suitable counsellor (either alone or together) to help you to work through your reaction and keep the relationship strong.

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist

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