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Question
Posted by: Trixsy | 2012/10/01

Men, commited relationships and sex

Once in a commited relationship men feel they are entitled to sex and will force their partner if she does''nt want to! Is my statement justified or am I generalizing?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I think that is a generalized opinion. Sex is very often used as a power tool by both parties in a relationship. Sexual desire and a need for intimacy can look different for the individuals and if it is not understood and accommodated can lead to feelings of resentment and that they are being forced. It could be valuable for couples to spend time on really talk about how they are making their partners feel – how their partner’s needs are being accommodated and how they talk to one another. If you are having difficulty to explore and address it on your own, doing it with the help of a psychologist dealing with relationships and sexual concerns might be worth the while.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealthza.co.za. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lloyd Pedi | 2012/10/02

Lady Bug
Let look @ it from this angle, atleast he fantasies about having sex with all the time than another woman/man/fantasy (moral: it could be.worse)

Reply to Lloyd Pedi
Posted by: Lady Bug | 2012/10/02

They don''t necessarily force themselves onto you as such, but you feel forced as they will hint and talk about sex all the time...to a point where you start to feel guilty.

My husband has sex on the brain 24/7. It is exhausting!

Reply to Lady Bug
Posted by: Deon | 2012/10/02

Trixsy

If he is forcing himself onto you , then that to me that is RAPE.
Talk to him before it gets even worse

Reply to Deon
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/10/02

Agree Jerry! Only just managed to force myself through the first quarter of the first book! Load of rubbish!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Jerry | 2012/10/02

50 Shades of sh*t - worst book i ever read

Reply to Jerry
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/02

It is quite obvious that a man should not force themselves on their partner''s/wives.At the same time though,it is important for women to realize that sex is important in a relationship and a happy medium should be found iro how often the deed is done.
What astounds me is that so many women are not interested in regular sex and yet are the first to scream when their husband has an affair..
Possibly more women should read the " Fifty shades of grey"  trilogy.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/10/02

I was also brought up in South Africa but was never made to believe that men have the right to force themselves onto women. Instead, I was brought up to respect my body and that " NO"  is a complete sentence.

What has South Africa got to do with it anyway? Men all over the world have this same arrogance and think that sex is their right. Its the women who allow them to behave like this - fight for YOUR rights, ladies. MEN DO NOT OWN OUR BODIES!!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/10/02

I think that is a generalized opinion. Sex is very often used as a power tool by both parties in a relationship. Sexual desire and a need for intimacy can look different for the individuals and if it is not understood and accommodated can lead to feelings of resentment and that they are being forced. It could be valuable for couples to spend time on really talk about how they are making their partners feel – how their partner’s needs are being accommodated and how they talk to one another. If you are having difficulty to explore and address it on your own, doing it with the help of a psychologist dealing with relationships and sexual concerns might be worth the while.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealthza.co.za. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Xoliswa | 2012/10/01

I was brought up in South Africa to believe that women as posessions. Men are entitled to force themselves on you if you are not willing. Your statement is justified.

Reply to Xoliswa
Posted by: Ellen | 2012/10/01

If you are in a commited relationship, your man will respect you and your wishes. Not all men will force themselves onto you. If this does happen you are obviously not with a man who respects you, get rid of him.

Reply to Ellen
Posted by: Alfred | 2012/10/01

If you give him -|- he wouldnt force himself.

Reply to Alfred
Posted by: Debbie | 2012/10/01

I agree with your statement. I was married and my ex felt he had the right to own me. Even after I needed repairs done after him forcing himself onto me<  he filed for divorce because of me not giving him his marital rights. " NO"  should be acknowledged even in a relationship. Because of this I have not been in a relationship for 18 years now.

Reply to Debbie

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