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Question
Posted by: Vista | 2009/05/02

men and porn

I' v been married to my husband for 7 years, and we have 2 beautifull children. Currently our sex life is not as good as it was before we had kids, (my youngest is just over a year) but I believe things will come right. On more than one occasion (even before we had kids) I' ve cuaght my husband watching porn, on the internet or on tv. His response is that he enjoys it. For me it is a form of cheating, it is not right to fantasize about another women when you a married guy?? I' m here and it' s only on very odd occasions that i' m not in the mood to have sex. I must say I like sex &  my husband knows how to satisfy me. I can understand that 16 year old boys do that. I' v told him before I don' t like it and he still do it. Why do men do it? I don' t look at naked men and get turn on by another man masturbating and getting blow jobs from women. For me it' s dirty. For me sex is more than just -|- ing like animals, it' s love making. In my student years I did experiment with threesome and even with another women. I' m grown up now and want a more mature sex life. What can I do?? Please help as this is coming between me and my husband.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

i think it would be helpful for you to discuss your feelings with your husband and let him know that you feel cheated. this would give him a chance to explain why he enjoys it so much
when it comes to sex men are more visually stimulated whereas women prefer the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship. this might explain why he likes porn and you dont. it doesnot however justify substituting/jeopardising your relationship as a result of porn. i suggest that you and your husband consider seeiong a sexual health counsellor to help provide more insight into the situation and ideas on how to improve yourl's sexual relationship. furthermore there is a fine line between 'normal' amount of porn and addiction to porn so you want to ensure that your partner doesnot have an addiction.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/07

I think you don' t really know men that well, even after all these years. It' s definately not cheating, it' s all about visual stimulation. Please don' t make an issue out of something that isn' t one, unless he is surfing porn on the net 24/7 or has a porn library that feels your DVD rack. Men can see sex in two ways, either making love or just plain animalistic sex. Maybe you should have married a woman.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anon | 2009/05/05

My wife thinks the same as you and i agree to a certain extend, BUT she will NEVER be able to keep up with my needs. Therefore, if you cant keep up, why complain? He should be complaining about you but isn' t - he watches porn.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: RP | 2009/05/05

We men are different to women I am afraid (not!). We like visual stimulation, and are pretty superficial in that department. Its not cheating at all. Try and get into it with him. If you restrict him he will just do it secretly, at least he is being open about it now. Its only a problem if he is depriving YOU of what you need at the same time..?

Reply to RP

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