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Question
Posted by: Lila | 2010-01-10

Men

I am confused. I like men but hate them at the same time. I like their company and respect them in a lot of ways but hate them for the autrocities in this world, eg. rape, child rape, war, dominance and disregard for woman. I think that I have maybe placed this onto my husband because I can not stand it when he starts making advances and I hate having sex because it feels to me like dominance. Because I dont want sex and have to give in from time to time to keep the peace the whole thing just gets worse. I am 45, I have been cheated on and even suspects that my husband have visited prostitutes (that was before any sexual problems from my side). How do I overcome this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

I wonder how much childhood abuse you received or witnessed. I wonder how much abuse you have experienced in your adult life. Your reaction to men is not intellectual- it is raw emotion, pained negative emotion. I can have a healthy distant intellectual dismay of the behaviour of many men towards women, children and other men. But I am able to hold it in context. You don't seem to be able to hold it in an impersonal space.
I think you have turned the political into a personal issue. Or rather the political into a personal issue. You are struggling with something bigger than you. I urge you to get some professional counselling. You have distanced yourself from your husband and he from you. Go get the help you deserve.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ageing and Sexuality expert | 2010-01-30

I wonder how much childhood abuse you received or witnessed. I wonder how much abuse you have experienced in your adult life. Your reaction to men is not intellectual- it is raw emotion, pained negative emotion. I can have a healthy distant intellectual dismay of the behaviour of many men towards women, children and other men. But I am able to hold it in context. You don't seem to be able to hold it in an impersonal space.
I think you have turned the political into a personal issue. Or rather the political into a personal issue. You are struggling with something bigger than you. I urge you to get some professional counselling. You have distanced yourself from your husband and he from you. Go get the help you deserve.

Reply to Ageing and Sexuality expert
Posted by: Leila | 2010-01-26

You are punishing your husband by denying him sex.. if this has happened often in your marriage, that everytime you were angry with him you denied him sex no wonder he went elsewhere...

I am not criticising you, just you need to understand that you have some choices here, either divorce your husband, or seek counselling with him to sort out your marriage.

You are seeing all men as hateful creatures, which is not fair, in this world there are also a lot of women who are also nasty pieces of work!!

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Wicky | 2010-01-11

I agree with XXX. You cannot expect to be in a marriage and withhold sex from your husband. Sex is the glue to all marriages. If you withhold him from sex he will go find it elsewhere.
Your hatred towards men in general, I think you need to get help to deal with these issues and not transfer that hate to your husband. After this your interest in sex many return and your hubby can stop trying to find it elsewhere

Reply to Wicky
Posted by: XXX | 2010-01-11

It seems rather unfair to blame your husband for the ills of the world.However,if he cheats on you and in particular,visits prostitutes,then that is entirely a different matter.
I would suggest you both go to a marriage counsellor and talk all this through.

Reply to XXX

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