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Question
Posted by: Ma | 2011/11/02

meeting the inlaws

my boyfriend and i dated from 2005 then separated because he moved to Eastlondon.we both moved on and i fel preg.His family met me before we separated and mine knew him aswel..But we couldnt tell them we are no longer together.
two years after break up we got back together i was few months pregnant,thats after i left my abusive boyfriend annd staying alone.Then we decided to be together.its two years later and he gave me an engagement ring hhes paying lobola next year.obviously his mom isn ok with it.but his dad is supportive.maybe because he married his mom with a child aswel i dont know.
My daughter and him are so inseparable hes the best dad i never evn had.i love them so much.they are my world.baby daddy is galavanting which is none of my busines,the only prob i have is hes not making time to know our daughter.she is a year now and he didnt come more than 10 times to see her though she is 45mins away from him.
Sonow im meeting the wholefamily this weekend his cousin is getting married he asked me to come with.i can tell hes soo happy im coming with him but i am soo nervous.and afraid..i know gossip is alwaysther and people not likijnng you especially if they know out story*they b making me look bad like they are angels*lol.im terrified realy.we are not maried yet.do i have to help them bake and cook for the wedding when i get ther?we are leaving tomoow.and do i have to wear dresses only and doek?and leave my long earings and pants in gp.And how does one react to people who treat her bad.Not that im not positive,im just trying to face reallity.we all know they not going to like me that i have a baby.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Baby daddy sounds like an irresponsible and abusive heel. Maybe you should take him to the Maintenance COurt so he has to pay maintenance for the child, but tell the court about his abusiveness and lack of interest, so he does not get given visitation rights to the child ( he might not want it now, but could change his mind ). Paying maintenance for the child is only right, for the child's benefit, and might teach him to be more careful towards other women, too.
Usually, you'd want a biodad to keep contact with his child, but an abuser is no advantage in a child's life.
As for visiting your bf's family, surely what is expected varies not only between various cultures but between different families. Discuss this with him, and let him guide you as to what they might expect of you, and it is also his job to help make everything go smoothly and happily.
So many people these days have babies outside of a formal engagement or marriage, I don't think you should assume they will hate you. Again, discuss this with him. Hehas chosen to be with you and to ask you to be his long-term partner, and they should respect that

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ma | 2011/11/02

Thank you guys.I feel so much better now.Last night i even though of telling him i cant go but he was just too excited for me to diappoint him.He even bought me a dress for the wedding day.Thanks again.

Reply to Ma
Posted by: Q | 2011/11/02

Go there and be yourself lovey you dont have to change for other people but behave and respect them all the time. If you are a drinker do not use a bottle to drink use the glass do not do up and down with your beer glass. At the end of the day be yourself

Reply to Q
Posted by: Maria | 2011/11/02

I think the best thing to do would be to behave in a way that is respectful of the customs adhered to where you are going. So if all the women dress in a certain way it would be good to do the same. And go and offer your help with the preparations if you want to. Treat everybody with courtesy, hold your head up high, and just enjoy the fact that this man chose YOU, and that is his right to do regardless of what his family thinks.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/02

Baby daddy sounds like an irresponsible and abusive heel. Maybe you should take him to the Maintenance COurt so he has to pay maintenance for the child, but tell the court about his abusiveness and lack of interest, so he does not get given visitation rights to the child ( he might not want it now, but could change his mind ). Paying maintenance for the child is only right, for the child's benefit, and might teach him to be more careful towards other women, too.
Usually, you'd want a biodad to keep contact with his child, but an abuser is no advantage in a child's life.
As for visiting your bf's family, surely what is expected varies not only between various cultures but between different families. Discuss this with him, and let him guide you as to what they might expect of you, and it is also his job to help make everything go smoothly and happily.
So many people these days have babies outside of a formal engagement or marriage, I don't think you should assume they will hate you. Again, discuss this with him. Hehas chosen to be with you and to ask you to be his long-term partner, and they should respect that

Reply to cybershrink

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