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Question
Posted by: Always disrespected | 2012/01/16

Me

Im a 30 yr old petite lady. I feel that two of my colleagues have absolutely no respect for me. One is a woman(31) and the other is a man(32). The woman likes to shout at me at the top of her voice when we disagree abt something and the man likes to say rude and hurtful things to me. I dont know if im being disrespected like this bcos im very short or what cos i dont see them treating any of our other colleagues like this. This has been goin on for yrs and i dont know how to stop. Im anticipating that the man will walk away when i try to talk to him abt this and the woman will shout at me still.

Most of the time, the woman and i get along very well,but then there would be those moments. Yesterday, the guy wanted to knock me of my chair bcos i told him to stop it when he was trying to bad mouth me, i got up from my chair then he kicked it so that i would hv to go and get it from where he had kicked it to, i took my chair bk and he kicked it again, this happened abt 3 times.

A colleague of mine advised that i must put a stop to this by talking to them abt this, but given their usual immature behaviour i feel i should approach this matter from a different angle but i dont know what method to follow.

I can not take this anymore and i cried myself to sleep last nite, this is starting to affect me.

Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Both of the people you describe are despicable, rude, crude, unprofessional people behaving really badly and intolerably. Take this up with your HR person or department, and even with your boss ; you shouldn't have to deal with them directly if they are so disrespectful.
As this has gone on for so long, they probably feel entitled to behave so badly, and assume they will get away with it. They do it because you allow it, and I'd guess that anyone else they tried this with, would stop them confidently.
Your height has nothing to do with it, except in the sense that you feel sensitive about it. Counselling of the CBT format to help you enhance self-esteem, confidence and assertiveness would also help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/16

lf she says small penis syndrome she could justifiably be diciplined for sexual harasment in the work place...2 wrongs do not make a right!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/16

I agree with Romany. These people victimise you because you allow it. Trying to confront them about their bad behavior, is a exercise in futility. The best way to handle the situation, is to take up the matter with HR. And don''t go and complain about the situation only once. Go and submit a complaint every single time these colleagues try something.

Another thing to try - bullies absolutely HATE it when people laugh at them. Remember that bullies usually have a low self-esteem and are trying to prove themselves superior by bashing others. If you laugh at them when they''re trying to belittle you, the bad behavior will stop almost immediately. So the next the woman screams at you, put a big smile on your face and just wait until she runs out of breath and then ask her " Can we communicate like adults now?" . The next time the guy says something rude and hurtful, give a loud giggle and say something like ''Aww, small penis syndrome''. If either of them have the guts to try and bully you again, give them the same amused reaction. I can almost guarantee that they won''t try a third time.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/16

Only someone with very low self esteem would allow this to happen without reporting this to a senior - HR - management ......

You obviously have low self esteem problems - perhaps caused by your low stature. You also sound slightly paranoid because of the physical characteristic.

Perhaps therapy would be a good idea, CS will advise. But you really need to stop being hung up on your height as you cannot change this!

Do not let yourself be bullied and report this to someone higher in the organisation.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Romany | 2012/01/16

I agree with Maria and Nini.
However, I am quite sure that the fact that you are " petit"  and " small"  have absolutely nothing to do with it.....
My Director at work is the smallest man you will ever see and everyone has HUGE respect for him because of many reasons.
personally, I feel you are being victimised by these two because you allow it.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Nini | 2012/01/16

I agree with Maria! NOBODY has to tolerate this kind of behavior, especially in a work place. It''s childish, unprofessional and certainly grounds from some kind of action to be be taken. Forget about dealing with them direcly, take it one step up and go straight to your HR.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Maria | 2012/01/16

Have you talked to your manager or HR department about this? You shouldn''t have to put up with this kind of behaviour, and you don''t have to deal with it on your own.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/16

Both of the people you describe are despicable, rude, crude, unprofessional people behaving really badly and intolerably. Take this up with your HR person or department, and even with your boss ; you shouldn't have to deal with them directly if they are so disrespectful.
As this has gone on for so long, they probably feel entitled to behave so badly, and assume they will get away with it. They do it because you allow it, and I'd guess that anyone else they tried this with, would stop them confidently.
Your height has nothing to do with it, except in the sense that you feel sensitive about it. Counselling of the CBT format to help you enhance self-esteem, confidence and assertiveness would also help.

Reply to cybershrink

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