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Question
Posted by: Cant Cope | 2010/01/08

Massive Dilemna

Hi Doctor

I dated a guy for about 9 months, he is about 6 years younger than me. We had good times and bad as he became very jealous and agressive and it ended when he raped me. We have been broken up for almost 2 months now and I am just not coping at all, I feel like I cant live without him, I love him and miss him so much and I want to help him and work though our issues but my family hate him understandably and I know they will just not accept it. I have always done eveything to please everyone else, but now I have to almost choose between my happiness and my family. I am literally falling apart from this, I already suffer with high anxiety and OCD and I am on effexor XR and alzam but now I just cant stop crying, I cant work or eat. I just want to be dead, I cant cope with this, I dont know what to do. I definitely Love him but how do I know if I am " In Love"  with him or if its just dependency and attachment.

Please help me I cant cope!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Rape is absolutely never acceptable nor something to be ignored, and ought to lead to criminal charges.
Now you say you feel you can't live without a rapist ? You find rape loveable ? You are assuming you would and could be happy with him, with no good basis for makin such an assumption.
Discuss this with your shrink ( the conditions you mention should be treated and supervised by a psychiatrist ) and take your time to decide what is truly best for you.
What you describe sounds very much more like dependency than actual love

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: saterrday | 2010/01/09

Hallo, You love him but he DEF. does not feel anything for you! This is an sick situation and you should get out! Someone that love someone does not rape. And that is that. If you go back to him you are just as big criminal as he is and he will think what he did is nothing and do it again. Cant you see this, cant you see that your family is right? What I can see is that your family cares about you,much more than this criminal! If people care about me I also do things to please them,that the way to say thank you for you love. So you deside if you want to " please"  this rapist, or the ones that love you!!!

Reply to saterrday
Posted by: J. | 2010/01/08

Get some brains girl and a backbone to stick up for yourse' f.

Reply to J.
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/08

Rape is absolutely never acceptable nor something to be ignored, and ought to lead to criminal charges.
Now you say you feel you can't live without a rapist ? You find rape loveable ? You are assuming you would and could be happy with him, with no good basis for makin such an assumption.
Discuss this with your shrink ( the conditions you mention should be treated and supervised by a psychiatrist ) and take your time to decide what is truly best for you.
What you describe sounds very much more like dependency than actual love

Reply to cybershrink

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