Our expert says:
Pain during penetration is uncommon in men, but this does not mean it does not occur. It is very difficult to know what is causing this given the limited information I have. On the one hand it may be that he has a physical problem that may require assessment by a specialist (e.g. urologist - particularly if there is a bend or 'break' in the penis shaft). On the other hand, it may be something to do with the position / pressure on his penis during sex. This requires more thorough understanding. Take his pain seriously - it is no fun experiencing pain during intimacy (and this is especially important when he has little other experience to compare it to!)
Try to listen very carefully to what he is saying about the pain and see if you can do anything to help reduce it. What positions are easier for him and which of these positions are pleasurable for you? It may be frustrating not being able to achieve an orgasm if you are very aroused, but this really ought not to be at his expense (ie. pain) - imagine if it were the other way around and he could only reach orgasm with thrusting that caused you pain...?
I'm not sure how his 'particular why of getting excited' is relevant to your question, but what I would suggest is that if you don't like this, ask him to be open to other options - have him focus on his sensations and try to stimulate him in other ways.
I would suggest that you approach him by telling him that you are worried about him and the pain, and that this naturally has implications for you/intimacy in the relationship. As I already said, take him seriously and listen carefully. Ask questions to try to understand as best you can and tell him that you want to try to help - if you can't do this alone, I suggest you contact a professional experienced in working with sexual problems. You can obtain the name of an appropriate professional from the South African Sexual Health Association (SASHA) helpline 0860 100 262.
For more information, go to the SASHA website : www.sexualhealth.co.za
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