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Question
Posted by: Zama | 2012-04-04

Marrying him was a mistake

Ive been married to my husband for 1 yr 4mnths &  I feel very lonely. Last yr was very bad we argued a lot &  he said things that are very hurtful to me like he wishes he was dead then being married to me &  he wonders what he did that God wil punish him by giving him someone like me. Its so hard for me to let go what he said esp since when I asked whether he meant it he never apologised he jst said I made him angry thats why he said it. Im suspecting he is cheating on me, Ive found smses on his phone saying ''Love u babes, sweet dreams'' &  ''you are a very good kisser'' I dnt know how to confront him abt this I wnt leave with a man who cheats on I work &  earn more than him. I can take care of me &  my baby. He says he''s a good man but Im not so sure abt that. I feel like there is a side to him I really dnt kno.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Presumably he was not forced to marry youi at gun-point, was he ? In which case it was essentially a mutual decision in which he agreed, so complaining that his current unhappiness within the marriage is some awful punishment is illogical and immature. But do realise that when, within a relationship, someone gets really angry, they tend to grab at whatever is the most hurtful thing they can think of, to say, rather than searching for truth to blurt out.
If he does indeed have such profoundly suspicious messages on his phone, it does indeed strongly suggest that he is having an affair or more, and its not at all uncommon for a cheating spouse to complain loudly of the innocent partner, both to try to divert attention from their infidelity, and to try to invent some excuse for their own bad behaviour.
Maybe insist that he join you in marriage counselling to see if anything better could be worked out between you, or, if he refuses, consult a good lawyer to represent your interests and those of your child.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Sunny | 2012-04-10

I am in the same boat ladies. I so often wish I had someone to talk to. if you ladies are up to being in touch, please indicate.

Thought I was the only one to be feeling this way.

Reply to Sunny
Posted by: i care | 2012-04-04

you guys must be in your early twenties the same happened to me as you guys are sayign the late nights, sms and all, the emotional abuse, i work as well and easily take car eof my self and child but 5 after being married for at least 16 months i filed for a divorce we divorced and continued to stay together bcs of the house we bought fought for months and left me with depression was suicidal, for a long time i was with him now after 5 years i am pregnant with his child dont get me wrong i love my child and happy am pregnant but i thnk what a big mess i have made, basically if you are going to talk about these things and not leave him now he wont stop, get family to back you or a friend to be there for you, i did not leave my family turned their back on me, i needed some one to help me fight with me but nobody was there so my advice you know that he is doing these things they dont change, they are emotionaly abusive, and they are just like that they never change, gudluck if you need to chat more, please request my email,

Reply to i care
Posted by: Tumelo | 2012-04-04

Hi Zama, I am going through the same thing you going through, I had also been married for 1 year four months. We fight like nobody else’ s business. I also have a good salary to take care of myself. For him, both his phones have passwords so I can''t say much. But every weekend he is always out with friends at clubs or parties, arrives home 03h00 in the morning. I am so tired of this marriage, it even affected my health, and I had been referred to a physiologist (Not yet consulted). I am feeling lonely and don''t want to visit friends anymore. I am always inside the house crying. I am not sure what to do, just hanging in there. My child is now at my mom and I try to hide all this from her.

Reply to Tumelo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-04

Presumably he was not forced to marry youi at gun-point, was he ? In which case it was essentially a mutual decision in which he agreed, so complaining that his current unhappiness within the marriage is some awful punishment is illogical and immature. But do realise that when, within a relationship, someone gets really angry, they tend to grab at whatever is the most hurtful thing they can think of, to say, rather than searching for truth to blurt out.
If he does indeed have such profoundly suspicious messages on his phone, it does indeed strongly suggest that he is having an affair or more, and its not at all uncommon for a cheating spouse to complain loudly of the innocent partner, both to try to divert attention from their infidelity, and to try to invent some excuse for their own bad behaviour.
Maybe insist that he join you in marriage counselling to see if anything better could be worked out between you, or, if he refuses, consult a good lawyer to represent your interests and those of your child.

Reply to cybershrink

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