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Question
Posted by: Anne | 2012/07/12

Married with both having low sex drive

We been together for 6 years, married for 2. We havent had sex in over a year and hardly did before that. Will it cause a problem in our marriage. Can this be normal to be happy without sex?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

On average married couples under the age of 30 have sex approximately once a week. Couples who report frequent sexual activity seem to be happier than those with less frequent sex. But what is normal varies greatly, and what’s most important is how happy YOU as a couple are with your current sexual activity.
Those who report less sex may also have difficulty talking about sex, so I would advise not assuming that each of you are happy under the circumstances. Check in with each other, talk about how you feel, and most importantly ensure that you are finding ways to enhance and nurture intimacy in the absence of sex. If either of you are dissatisfied with your sexual lives, but feel its difficult to talk about, then seeking professional help may help you to find a way around this.
It is entirely possible however that you have been fortunate enough to find someone who is entirely on your wavelength, and with whom your compatibility extends to the low priority you place on sex. What is normal is not important to your particular situation, what is however most important is that you are both happy and satisfied with the frequency of sex you mention.

Anthony - SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ricky | 2012/07/13

Hi, I had a normal sex life before, once or twice a week and loved it, now I am seeing soemone that has diabetes and highblood pressure and a smaller willy that I have known before, but I love this guy and I realised being over 50 that the world does not revolved around sex, remeber there is a high presentige of guys who has these sicknesses and it is only normal to have disfunction problems...so what I do is, enjoy it when it happens..use my vibtator when needed, and just have this wonderful relationship...remember sex is not the most importent thing in your life when you are old...companionship is worth a lot more...

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: GavinD | 2012/07/13

I''ve been married for 15 years. I have a very high sex drive and my wife has none. We sometimes go without sex for 3 months and if we do it it''s like a major effort for her. I''m at a stage now where I might start cheating. I do love my wife and I do know that sex isnt everything but come on .......

Reply to GavinD
Posted by: Mini Mouse | 2012/07/12

@ Surprise,

That is very interesting. Me, on the other hand, know alot of circumsised men.

My husband was circumsised as a baby and he never mentioned that other boys noticed.



Reply to Mini Mouse
Posted by: Surprise | 2012/07/12

I do now know of alot of men that are circumsized? especially not at a young age (maybe a cultural thing) but none of the other boys in his school was circumsized. He was the only one and they thought it was very " funny"  remember teenage boys can be very rude

Reply to Surprise
Posted by: Mini Mouse | 2012/07/12

Hi there, commented on what? that he is circumsised? That is very odd as alot of men are circumsised.

Reply to Mini Mouse
Posted by: SURPRISE | 2012/07/12

I also wanted to add that my hubby had to be circumsized when he was 10 due to infections. This was very traumatic for him and he once told me that his peers always commented when they had to get dressed for sports and this made him really shy. I thinks those years still has an impact on him today.

So maybe it''s because he''s shy about something?

One day we grow old and what''s more important is friendship and commitment

Reply to SURPRISE
Posted by: SURPRISE | 2012/07/12

Well we had the same thing (married for 7 years now) only had sex every 2 months and just enough to make 2 babies. We are very good friends and really do get along well so at first it did not bother me. I thought he''s stressed (having his own company) etc. till I discovered that he''s watching porn every day!!! I really thought he''s not in the mood (he even told me several times it''s due to stress) It took me 4 years to catch him and now it''s terrible for me coz I feel I''m not good enough although I never refused and were always there for him. I always made effort with my weight and looks etc.

I''m also in 2 minds now coz we are still really getting along without sex..... so do we need to see someone or just leave things the way they are?

Reply to SURPRISE
Posted by: xyz | 2012/07/12

How, this is the first time I read something like this, but if it work for you people , why not.All I can think is doesnt you folks get " lus" .

Reply to xyz
Posted by: A | 2012/07/12

Are you sure you both are truly happy?

Reply to A
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/07/12

On average married couples under the age of 30 have sex approximately once a week. Couples who report frequent sexual activity seem to be happier than those with less frequent sex. But what is normal varies greatly, and what’s most important is how happy YOU as a couple are with your current sexual activity.
Those who report less sex may also have difficulty talking about sex, so I would advise not assuming that each of you are happy under the circumstances. Check in with each other, talk about how you feel, and most importantly ensure that you are finding ways to enhance and nurture intimacy in the absence of sex. If either of you are dissatisfied with your sexual lives, but feel its difficult to talk about, then seeking professional help may help you to find a way around this.
It is entirely possible however that you have been fortunate enough to find someone who is entirely on your wavelength, and with whom your compatibility extends to the low priority you place on sex. What is normal is not important to your particular situation, what is however most important is that you are both happy and satisfied with the frequency of sex you mention.

Anthony - SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to sexologist

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