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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2010/10/05

Married, pregnant and abortion

I''m married with two kids both under 7yrs. After my 2nd child was born me and hubby decided we won''t have anymore children. I spoke to my gynae about having my tubes tied and he said since i was under 35yrs old he would rather put me on a loop

I''ve been having some pains so i went to see gynae today and he discovered dat i''m 5wks pregnantt. He has suggested an abortion but obviously its my and hubby''s decision.

my hubby had made it clear that he didn''t want more children. when i told him about the today pregnancy i could see the disapointment in his face. i told him about the abortion option and he said i knw how he feels about another child so basically its my decision. i''m so torn apart, part of me wants to keep the baby, part of me want to have an abortion. what to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's a significant difference between "wanting more children", a sort of philosophical policy and plan, and deciding to want this child who now exists. Maybe it'd be wise for the pair of you, together, to see an experienced counsellor, and more fully explore the options and how you both feel about it. Neither of you should want you to feel pressured into an abortion ( a concern that might arise afterwards )

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Our users say:
Posted by: P | 2010/10/07

Just imagine one day your brood of 3 coming home to visit. Imagine home being filled with your children / grandchildren laughter, you being surrounded by so much love.
Times may be tough in the beginning, financially, or otherwise, but you will get passed that, or just learn to deal with it wisely, but you will be happier.
Rather a poor and happy, than wealthy and forever disappointed.

Reply to P
Posted by: Bee | 2010/10/06

So many couples have unplanned second / third children....having an abortion would just be such a sin! You will never be able to live with yourself....life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/10/06

I agree with the two above. This can''t be pinned on you alone and he needs to be aware if this.

My father did the same thing, we were four at home and then later mom fell pregnant with the fifth one. He was fuming saying he doesn''t want anymore children. This really affected my mom emotionally, she was mostly sad during her pregnancy. When the child was born granny arrived and told my father that she is here to take the baby since he said he doen''t want any kids. He cried. He is a very protective father. He became closest to our younger brother more than any of us. He physically became ill when our younger brother was sick. God works in different ways.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Soul | 2010/10/06

Cindy Lego is right, it is unfair that your hubby is putting this all on you he also needs to take some responsibility. He never wanted to have anymore children what was stopping him from preventing a pregnancy. Children are blessings and even though this little one wasn''t planned there is always enough love to give.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Lego | 2010/10/06

What I don''t understand is why did he not go for a vasectomy if he didn''t want anymore children? It is a much easier end safer option than having your tubes tied. As soon as the wife and I decide not to have any more kids, I''ll be at the doc''s to have it done. I don''t understand why the poor woman has to suffer with hormone pills and stuff, never mind the big operation, if the man can just have a relatively easy procedure done?

Reply to Lego
Posted by: Liza | 2010/10/06

Go see a psychologist ASAP to help work through your feelings and to decide which way is best for you to go. This is not something other people can decide for you. You have to make this decision by yourself. Don''t let hubby pressurize you into doing something you don''t feel comfortable with. You could always go to couples counseling during the pregnancy to work out the problems of having another child. You can''t reverse an abortion.

Good Luck
Liza
Ps. I had my tubes tied at 29 because I was completely certain that I do not want more children. My gynae didn''t want to do it either, so I just went to the gov clinic and had it done anyway. Almost 5 years later and I''m still not sorry. I would rather provide a better life for my two boys.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/06

There's a significant difference between "wanting more children", a sort of philosophical policy and plan, and deciding to want this child who now exists. Maybe it'd be wise for the pair of you, together, to see an experienced counsellor, and more fully explore the options and how you both feel about it. Neither of you should want you to feel pressured into an abortion ( a concern that might arise afterwards )

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/05

Dont do it afterall you guys are a married couple, abortion will destroy your marriage.Believe me he will love the baby if you keep it.

Reply to Anon

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