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Question
Posted by: uncertain | 2008-11-03

Married man , my future husband?

I am a widow with 2 young children. My husband past away about 15 months ago. I met a gentle, loving mand through a friend, who is going through a difficult time. She thought we may be some support to each other. We started chatting on the phone casually and infrequently. We then met for coffee and were surprised just how open, comfortable and right our company felt to each other. We spoke on the phone more regularly and often about how uncertain he was about his marriage and why his wife seems to hate him?

We began speaking on the phone 2 or 3 times a day and soon we both became aware of the fact that we were kidding ourselves if we thought the feelings we were having were of friendship only. I constantly worried that I was pushing a wedge between him and his wife. I have been reassured by him and my friend that this was a problem long before I came along. We saw each other for lunch in a public place to avoid expressing our feelings. Then, I invited him to my house for lunch as we can' t always afford to go out. We chatted and time passed quickly. He asked to see me again, but, this time we kissed. It felt so right, like he was someone I have known my whole life. I was walking on air, like a teenager. Then we saw each other again. This time we ended up doing more than kissing, but no sex or oral sex or anything.

I am very concerned that he still hasn' t made any concscious effort to push for a divorce. We are both devoted people who have never been with anyone other than our spouses. I don' t believe he would intentionally lead me to believe he will leave her if he isn' t going to. He knows I will do nothing with him unless he is divorced and I have made it clear that I want nothing to do with him if there is even a remote possibility of them getting back together.

He has a son of 7 years old and his wife does try and play this son up to get things to go her way.

Any advice you can offer or opinions would be greatly appreciated as I don' t want to be a home wrecker. But, I do feel like we a great match. ....?

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Our expert says:
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Be cautious about encouraging this to develop beyond a pleasant and mutually sustaining friendship ; he needs to continue to work, with the help of a marriage counsellor if necessary, on whatever problems there are within his own marriage.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mandy | 2008-11-09

May be you want to break their mirriage what do want from a married man why dont you get some one who is available you will never build your happiness on other womans tears only bad luck and frustration,what if you find out that in a long run the man was just using man can give you his love just to use you while knowing where his interest and the future lys dont make a fool out of yours self.

Reply to mandy
Posted by: Sweetie | 2008-11-04

Rather tell him to back off until he is divorced. Once he is divorced you will then continue with the relationship. You dont know if his wife is desperately trying to hold the marriage together. If the marriage is having problems having a ' third person'  putting pressure on the marriage only makes matters much worse. I do understand that you are lonely and need companionship however, this man is cheating on his wife. Is that the sort of companion you need?

Reply to Sweetie
Posted by: For Post 1485 | 2008-11-04

Sorry its meant for Post 1485.

Reply to For Post 1485
Posted by: CK | 2008-11-04

Girl, I have been married for 8 months I work 8 hrs, tuck in traffic, cooking, dishes, washing my child, ironing &  I have to satisfy his needs. We stay close to his work place he comes home early and he just sleep and does nothing.
Then i decide no that is enough i can' t go on like that and i told him i need his help, Do you know what he told me " I’ M LAZY"  Do you know what I did I’ ve stop Ironing his clothes &  washing my child cause he is the one that takes him to crè che, so in the morning he has to wake up and do all of that. Until he told me Okay he will help me by bathing the child and Ironing the clothes, so in that way we are all happy. It’ s all about sharing responsibility talk to him.

Reply to CK
Posted by: ME | 2008-11-04

They have said it all gal. The ball is in your court now.

Reply to ME
Posted by: Lin | 2008-11-04

If he' ll cheat on his wife and in the end end up with you, he' ll most probably cheat on you too.
Rather end this romantic friendship because if he hasn' t started a divorce by now, he most likely wont.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: SR | 2008-11-03

You cannot find happiness in the arms of a married man and you cannot build a happy future on the losses of others.

Step away from this man and let him sort his marriage out or get divorced and then after time has gone by if you still feel you should be together then persue a relationship.

I promise you if you persue this relationship with stars in your eyes thinking that all will be okay it wont. He has baggage and needs to sort out his baggage first .... its going to bite you if you dont let him sort out himself out

Reply to SR
Posted by: Ruby | 2008-11-03

Hey uncertain,
It sounds like an amazing romantic story... BUT you are right, there is a problem, he is married.. If it was me, I would have stayed away completely... IF he is your future husband, you dont want to be involved in any way in the dissolving of his current marriage... Better to end it completely, be completely uninvolved and then IF he still go through with the divorce, see him only after that... That way you can know you are not a home wrecker in any way... All the best, I do not wish to be in your shoes.. R

Reply to Ruby

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