Posted by: lala | 2009-02-24

married man

hi all

i have been (secretly) inlove with a married man. We are friends and he has no idea how i feel about him. He has been going through great difficulties in his marriege,and i have never crossed the line. Neither has he.. Todauy i have decided that i cannot do this anymore.I cannot pretend to be ok with him budging in my life when things get terrible at home...i had moved on but he is do i let it go? without loosing a great friend? i know that he will never leave his wife, they never do...but i have wasted enough of my time...How do i move past these feelings?

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Our expert says:
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Se a personal counsellor to help you with whatever personal problems you have, and let him sort out his own problems, whether wih personal or couples counselling. An affair with a married person creates problems, it does not solve them.
You don't rally know WHAT is happening in his marriage as you have only heard his side of things.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jo | 2009-02-24

So true visitor. My STBX also told his mistress that we were unhappy in the marriage and that I forced him to have children. Our first child was conceived after 4 years of TTC and him having a vasectomy reversed. He also told her that he asked me have abortions with both our kids. She fell pregnant and actually told me that he did not want my children but begged her to have his. So many lies are told. Dont go down this road, it will destroy you forever and the lives of others who unfortunately have no say in this.Some women are attracted to these poor,unhappy men, thinking that they' ll be the ones to save them and make them happy again.You cannot build your happiness on someone else' s heartache is what my mother always tells me and I live my life by that.

Reply to Jo
Posted by: Visitor | 2009-02-24

Just for insigt and a glimps of the other side. I' m a divorced lady. My husband of 13 years cheated on me. He staretd cheating when our baby was 5 weeks old and I walked out when the baby was 4 months. I found out via my ex sister in law that the girlfriend who is 12 years younger then me that he told her that we have been unhappily married for years and he wanted out but I fell pregnant to keep him in the marraige - actually the baby is the result of 5 IVF attempts over 6 years. I' m an unfit mother and she will help him raise the liitle suffering child - truth he never spent a full day with his child from the day it was born. Been divorced 2 years he' s made an attempt to see his child 5 times.

The list goes on forever. If he can lie to the woman he married and swore to love and respect forever infront of God how many lies does he tell you?

Reply to Visitor
Posted by: lala | 2009-02-24

Hi Guys

I guess i have known what to do for a long time, and have been afraid to act. I am currently out of the country and he has arranged a trip to come visist me...I am seeing him tomorrow and will break this thing up with him tomorrow. It is for the greater good..

I feel so sad, but if i continue like this i will wake up 40 and wonder what happened to my youth? So thank you all for your is difficult, but i will pull through this..

Reply to lala
Posted by: Melanie | 2009-02-24

dont fool yourself, cut him out! Affairs have a " ripple"  affect on many people involved including kids, families etc. Trust me I know, it happened to me! Leave him alone! you have NO idea what is going on in his marriage. find someone who is available.

Reply to Melanie
Posted by: Girlfriend | 2009-02-24

Loose this ' great friend'  a friend who cheats on his wife is not a great friend he' s a lying cheating bastard. You are so very right, they never ever do leave their wifes and if they do then they mess you around as well in a couple of months time.

With time these feelings will go away. I was a mistress to a man like this for 3 years and eventually he did leave his wife and eventually he cheated on me to.

THAT hurt, trust me is much, much worse than anything you can ever go through now.

Cut him out of your life.

Reply to Girlfriend

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