Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2009-07-02

Married life

Please don' t Judge
I am married for 6 years now. During those years hubby has done a lot of stuff to hurt me, physically abuse me twice. Ok maybe I loved him once but not anymre. I have been having an affair for the las 7 months. I am so inlive inlove with my lover,he cares for me but does' nt love me yet. Myself and hubby just bought a house, so he is staying for the last 2 weeks fixing everything before we move in. I am not sure I want to move in with this man, cause I don' t love him, but I have a 6 year old son to think about, cause I can' t afford living on my own, although I do work. I am confused to what to do cause I don' t want to give up my lover.I hardly sleep with hubby, cause I feel nothing for besides for just being someone thats in my life.He is staying in the house fixing stuff for 2 weeks, and I don' t even miss him. I like the life I am living without him, knowing that we can still be friends, but he does nt want to leave me, even though I treat him like crap. When I talk to him on the phone, I have to say a prayer to God to help me just to be nice to hm. I don' t even have respect for this man. Don' t know if I hate him, cause I wish him dead every day.Whats wrong with me.Marraige counseling is not going to help if I don' t see a future with this man

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

People who start by saying "Don't judge me" often recognize that judgement by others is pretty well inevitable, and are judging themselves, too. Affairs usually end in misery all round, especially when you declare your Love for someone who does not love you. And you have a child affected by all this. Why not rather see a marriage counsellor with your husband. You seem to have decided that you will not allow yourself to feel love or fondnes for this guy nomatter what, so you are refusing to allow there to be any possibility of getting things right. The other guy may well be simply using you to the extent that pleases you, and benefitting from your determination NOT to love your husband and your determination to love anyone else

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Our users say:
Posted by: anonymous | 2009-07-04

You have to be honest, you are already lying and cheating but you can save some of your dignity and tell him.

Face up

Reply to anonymous
Posted by: Been there | 2009-07-02

Unfortunately you are treading on dangerous grounds though. You are having an affair and there is a child involved. If your husband were to find out and you got divorced anyway..what would happen to you and your son then.

It is unfair to your husband and to yourself to carry on with this kind of destructive behaviour. If you are going to stay with your husband, then be a loving wife and mother. If you are unhappy and don' t love him, then divorce him and move out.

Your son is old enough to pick up on the vibes of the mother and father and this could manifest in aggressive / destructive behaviour as he gets older. Children are not stupid! They pick up everything.

Dont sit on the fence with this one. Be strong and make a decision.

Reply to Been there

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