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Question
Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2008-11-06

Married life :-(

I have been married for 5 years with a 5 year old son.I hubby drank when I met him and he is still drinking now. Now he drinks during the week and every weekend I am sick and tired of having a drunk for a husband. Over the years he smacked me around twice, I dont love him anymore. When we have sex I feel dead, there is no sexaull intimacy from my side and there is nothing wrong with my sex drive,its just when it comes to hubby I' m dead. Yes I have cheated on him, but he does nt satisfy me at all. The only good thing that I can say about him is that he provides for us.I want a divorce, but not sure, I know that I dont love him because I wish him dead everyday. He has made me like this,what the use of going to a marraige counsilor, he will just say Ok he will stop drinking and stop sleeping out cause that is what he does and stop seeing his friends. It will only last a week. Im tired of this life,whats worse we just bought a house, and I wont be able to afford it on my own,and now I' m saying to myself I' m just holding on to him for the sake on finances. If he stop drinking maybe I can start to love him again.But he will never change, how can I get through to him besides to ignore him. How can I help myself to be sexaully attracted to him, Cause when he is inside me I am so dry. He doesnt do anything for me.Should I get divorce or not.

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Our expert says:
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Marriage to such an alcoholic / problem drinker will be difficult. If you have tried marriage counselling together and your husband fails to keep to the promises he makes within counselling, separation may become a good idea, and maybe you need to see a personal counsellor to work out what's best for you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Blom | 2008-11-06

I' m in a similar position, my husband is not a drunk, does not go out and sleep out or goes out with friends, however he is a control freak,EVERYTHING must revolve around him. I' ve worked all my life, I have 2 sons 20yrs &  23yrs, my husband even wants to control their lives, they want to move out, but stay because of me. I' m also dead inside, I don' t even want him to hug me cause he is so mean and I cant stand him near me. I' ve been married to this control freak for 24ys and I' m only with him cause I made a vow to the man above ' for better, for worse, till death do us part"  I just cant anymore, everything costs money. I must go to a personal counsellor, he is the one that needs to go! but he will never because he says he is not the problem, how does one explain. I' d honestly be better off dead.

Reply to Blom
Posted by: Anon | 2008-11-06

leave him. its as easy at that. just leave him.
it might be a bit of a struggle, youd have to get a job and get some aftercare for your child, or rely on a family member, you would have to rent a little flat. it wont be easy or cushy
but it will be so worth it and it will get better with time. You will be the one in charge and the only people you have to consider or worry about is you and your son. Take control of your life and your happiness. Find the strength to stand up and move on. You can do it.

Reply to Anon

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