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Question
Posted by: Kate | 2010/11/30

Married but still have feelings with Ex

I have been married for 2 yrs have 1 child and i''m happy. Recently I have been in contact with my Ex BF from High school who is engage with 3 kids, we never broke up but we lost contact and now we have spend time and we both realize that we still loves &  have feelings for each other, but i don''t want to have an affair with him, How do you end things with someone knowing that you still loves that person without being rude and he is not willing to back down.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder why you chose to re-contact your ex, if you are indeed happily married. That's a bit like picking at a scab, which worsens the eventual scar.
How and why, if he still claims to have special feelings for you, has he got engaged and fathered 3 kids by someone else ? I wonder what actually, each of you loves. It may well be that what you really "love" is the fantasy of how it might have been, what it may have become, rather than what is. The love you say you have for your husband and child is a real thing, about real people in a real situation. Stop entertaining these unreal fantasies. Simple tell your ex that each of you should have, and indeed have, moved on. You are happ and married and with a child and are devoted to them, not to him. What you have for him, perhaps, is a degree of afffection, or fondness, which is not good for any of you, to indulge in. Remind him of his three children and his duties to his fiancee. You can't go back to what might have been, and each have very significant current commitments. Say goodbye, fondly, bu firmly.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kate | 2010/11/30

Thank you guys maybe i need someone to knock some sense and not to be selfish. I will do just that.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: JR | 2010/11/30

HUH, well said! There will always be the fantacy of what could have would have happened, IF you let your mind and heart go there, DON''T! Remember the reason you broke up, the reason you married you now husband. Find the reason why you are even thinking about this situation and work on it for your husband, your kid and yourself. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Why is he engaged with 3 kids and not married? You know what you have now, if it doesn''t make you happy, sort that out first before you start medling in another womans business.

Reply to JR
Posted by: HUH | 2010/11/30

I quote from the movie " Scent of a Women" . Ex''s are like old tax returns, after 5 years your throw them away, i recommend you do the same.

Reply to HUH
Posted by: XXX | 2010/11/30

You have moved on and so has he ie 3 kids ! Simply ignore his sms/phone calls etc if he won''t listen to you.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/30

I wonder why you chose to re-contact your ex, if you are indeed happily married. That's a bit like picking at a scab, which worsens the eventual scar.
How and why, if he still claims to have special feelings for you, has he got engaged and fathered 3 kids by someone else ? I wonder what actually, each of you loves. It may well be that what you really "love" is the fantasy of how it might have been, what it may have become, rather than what is. The love you say you have for your husband and child is a real thing, about real people in a real situation. Stop entertaining these unreal fantasies. Simple tell your ex that each of you should have, and indeed have, moved on. You are happ and married and with a child and are devoted to them, not to him. What you have for him, perhaps, is a degree of afffection, or fondness, which is not good for any of you, to indulge in. Remind him of his three children and his duties to his fiancee. You can't go back to what might have been, and each have very significant current commitments. Say goodbye, fondly, bu firmly.

Reply to cybershrink

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