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Question
Posted by: Wrack | 2010-01-12

Married behind my back

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I LOOSE MY MIND. I have been going out with this guy on and off since last year April and decided to make it serious and permanent in August after I had left him and he begged me to come back. Everything was ok and he went home in Dec to visit his family. . Before he left he told me his parents were forcing him to marry some woman that they have chosen for him, but he was not gonna go through with it as he has never been involved with her and does not love her and he was going home to set the record straight. To my surprise, I learnt through face book that he got married to her LAST WEEK (03/01/2010). I have not said anything to him and he doesn' t know that I know but I have decided that I am leaving him the minute he gets back which will be next Monday, but I still don’ t know how to approach him. Any advise?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Parents can surely put presure on us, but they cannot force us to marry anyone, unless we don't have the guys to say "No" to them. If he's not man enough to tell you, why tell the world ?
If he's that much of a feeble coward, you have lost much less than you may feel you have done.
Why bother even contacting him again or discussing it at all ? Move on, you deserve someone far better than him.
But its ridiculously cowardly for him not only to contradict what he promised you, but not even to tell you he was going to crawl for them and marry their choice of spouse, and to leave it to you to find out on facebook ( seems odd for him to have put it on facebook, come to think of it ).

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2010-01-13

I don' t know, Esme... I thought Rob28' s comment was funny. Obviously meant as a joke.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Esme | 2010-01-12

my sister, the chances of coming home to you are very slim - if i were you - as consolation - dump his-|-on face book!!! while he and his friends are going on about the wedding/marriage - congradulations etc - the wife is probably enjoying this as well! i say expose him and dump him, don' t wait for him to come lying again to you! Expose sister - expose!!!!

Rob28 - you were coming ok, until you messed it up with politics!!!  O(

Reply to Esme
Posted by: Married to the MOB | 2010-01-12

Just dump him and DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Well, it seems that you do not even have to dump him, as there never was a real situation of trust between you guys, for his part at least. If he does not even have the guts to tell you he is getting married, or getting into a marriage against his will (is that a marriage?). Ask yourself this, how can you trust him?

Just tell him to get lost and get on with your life. Good you saw his true colors now and not after you married him. Learn from it and grow. No use stressing about jerks such as him. All the best

Reply to Married to the MOB
Posted by: Rob28 | 2010-01-12

Sheesh... I' m sorry to hear that. The first thing that comes to my mind (I' m a guy too) is that he' s not even brave enough to tell you the truth. Ass. I read a quote yesterday: " If an-|-peers into a mirror, do not expect an apostle to look out." 

Honestly, in the words of Dr Phil (also not altogether balanced, but funny): " He' s just not that into you." 

And please, do me a favour, don' t waste your time on him. There are close on 7 billion unique people on this planet. I mean, really.

I' ll be holding thumbs for you for next Monday. Dump his ass. I recommend a radical dislocation - in pragtige Afrikaans, stuur hom in sy moer in. Approach him directly and sternly, but make sure you have his attention he seems to already have demonstrated that what he says and what he does are conflicting leading me to think that he' s a little short on logic.

Hey, who knows, Jacob Zuma might be looking for a sixth wife - at least you know he showers.

Reply to Rob28
Posted by: Whena | 2010-01-12

Why not let him know via Facebook that you are aware that he is married and that you will have no further contact with a married guy and then do it

Reply to Whena
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-12

Parents can surely put presure on us, but they cannot force us to marry anyone, unless we don't have the guys to say "No" to them. If he's not man enough to tell you, why tell the world ?
If he's that much of a feeble coward, you have lost much less than you may feel you have done.
Why bother even contacting him again or discussing it at all ? Move on, you deserve someone far better than him.
But its ridiculously cowardly for him not only to contradict what he promised you, but not even to tell you he was going to crawl for them and marry their choice of spouse, and to leave it to you to find out on facebook ( seems odd for him to have put it on facebook, come to think of it ).

Reply to cybershrink

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