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Question
Posted by: Someone | 2011/08/08

Married and hating it

I am a man, 38 years old not bad looking and I am in a dead end marriage. My wife thinks I am demon possessed and while I was sleeping did some ritual on me with oil and I got pretty sick when the stuff got into my mouth. I am normal and I am not some weirdo. The ''group'' she pray with told her how to do the ritual I feel very offended.

I am not allowed any friends or money and she runs everything in my life. I earn just under 100K a month but I have to ask her for petrol money.

She use to hit me and grab me in my face and shake me around in my face in-front of the kids but lately she has quieted down a bit, I think it is because I stopped saying things about money. She says things in front of the kinds like she will give me 1 mil then I must f** off. She has not got the money.

We have been living in two separate levels and rooms of the house for almost 4 years now. I had to sign over my house to her because she would not stop calling me abuser in-front of the kinds. Once I signed over the house it stopped.

I take all of this because I want to protect my kids and be close to them. She use them as weapons to force me into her will.I have never been unfaithful to her but I am a man and you can imagine how I feel after 4 years of no intimacy what so ever.

My religion makes it impossible for me to divorce so what can I do? And the hurt my kids will experience I can not even think about. I do not know how I will last the next 60 odd years without any intimacy but I suppose I will survive.

All I ever wanted was to have someone to be my best friend and share dreams with and get excited about life and living. Someone that could speak a thousand word to me without saying a word. That closeness that makes your entire being light up and smile with them close to you. Someone soft and gentle to treasure. Someone to understand as a complete complex being sharing pain and love and joy and a love that makes your chest pain...

I suppose I had my chance and I messed it up....maybe it only happens in the movies...I was so sure love was out there....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like it's your wife who might be the wierdo. But what might have led her to believe you could be demon possessed ? IS this some cultural belief shared by your and her families ? Or is it a peculiar belief promoted by a small and eccentric recently invented "church" she has joined ?
Anyhow, looking at your broader story, you are describing a really horrible, selfish and highly abusive woman, and it is highly unfortunate that you ended up married to her, and that you chose to accept her nonsense and her abuse of you.
Divorce is rarely if ever as damaging to children and living with such a monstrous parent, and seeing human cruelty in action.
If you earn such a high salary, why do you have to ask her for anything ? How can she be allowed to control your money ? Have it paid into a separate account in your name only, and take control of it yourself. If she has all your money, and your house, of course she doesn't care about divorce. If could let her keep the profits and find another man to such dry.
I don't know what your religion is, but most religions recognize that when someone discoveres they are married to a mosnter, it may be best for them to divorce, rather than live in misery and in ways that could be damaging to their children. Even in Roman Catholicism, though the church officially doesn't approve of divorce, very large numbers of otherwise spiritually good catholics do get divorced, to the benefit of veryone.
Maybe you should see a counsellor to help improve your assertiveness and self-esteem, and to help you work out what wopuld be best for you and how to achieve that.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: What? | 2011/08/11

Damn what kind of a religion is this????

Reply to What?
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/08

Sounds like it's your wife who might be the wierdo. But what might have led her to believe you could be demon possessed ? IS this some cultural belief shared by your and her families ? Or is it a peculiar belief promoted by a small and eccentric recently invented "church" she has joined ?
Anyhow, looking at your broader story, you are describing a really horrible, selfish and highly abusive woman, and it is highly unfortunate that you ended up married to her, and that you chose to accept her nonsense and her abuse of you.
Divorce is rarely if ever as damaging to children and living with such a monstrous parent, and seeing human cruelty in action.
If you earn such a high salary, why do you have to ask her for anything ? How can she be allowed to control your money ? Have it paid into a separate account in your name only, and take control of it yourself. If she has all your money, and your house, of course she doesn't care about divorce. If could let her keep the profits and find another man to such dry.
I don't know what your religion is, but most religions recognize that when someone discoveres they are married to a mosnter, it may be best for them to divorce, rather than live in misery and in ways that could be damaging to their children. Even in Roman Catholicism, though the church officially doesn't approve of divorce, very large numbers of otherwise spiritually good catholics do get divorced, to the benefit of veryone.
Maybe you should see a counsellor to help improve your assertiveness and self-esteem, and to help you work out what wopuld be best for you and how to achieve that.

Reply to cybershrink

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