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Question
Posted by: ME | 2011/03/15

MARRIED

Ok so I say I want to get married and he says that he does to but our day will come one day, doesnt want to talk about it now, wants to first enjoy our relationship now, feels as though he is dodging the subject, or is it just me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ask him in which decade he thinks your day will come. Does sound like a dodge, at his age - and it sounds as though he has absolutely everything he wants from a relationship, without needing to get married, so why would he want to change the situation ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/17

You are wrong Wise owl. Common law husband or wife has the same rights as those with the " piece of paper" .

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2011/03/16

Oh, OK that makes a difference if you are just " going out" . If you are still in your early 20''s, just enjoy having fun and play the field so you gain general experience of guys. The time will come when you both will decide to make is permanent. In favour of having " the piece of paper"  as some regard marriage, I believe that if you both have moral fibre and are decent , honest people love and faithfulness will come naturally. Marriage as it is generally acceptable is a wonderful institution, providing stability in a family unit and passing on such values to ones children. People who cheat on their partners, lack the moral fibre and honesty I mentioned previously. Having the so called"  piece of paper"  is essential when it comes to sorting out civil matters and ownership especially as one gets older and that is why it is referred to as a LEGAL marriage.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Happiness | 2011/03/16


There are always signs telling you whether you should go ahead get married or not. Choosing to ignore those signs and forcing the marriage issue almost always results in a divorce.

My point is, the fact that YOU want to get married does not mean that HE must automatically feel the same way.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Thina | 2011/03/15

What''s up with ppl and mariage, Enjoy your relationship being a Mrs will not add more fun that was not there as someone has said it just a piece of paper, Believe me mariage is not glits and glam once you marry the guy he thinks he can go do his cheating while you wait fot him at home sobing.

I dnt knw may its the world i''m living in, None of the ppl i knw can proudly say they are happily maried, meaning it noot just buying ppls ears.

Don''t rush it, if it was meant to be it will come

Reply to Thina
Posted by: A Guy | 2011/03/15

How long have u been dating?

Reply to A Guy
Posted by: ME | 2011/03/15

Wise Owl-Thanks, but we don''t live together and we are not sleeping together so dont think your plan will work. He doesnt say he doesnt want to get married he says that we will but just not now?
Guys opinion please?

Reply to ME
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2011/03/15

He is cruising, man about town, come and go, easy life. WHY on earth would he want the responsibility oif being a married man ? I assume you are sleeping with him and probably doing most of or all the housework and cooking. He does not want to commit himself for sure. I suggest you stop sleeping with him, hold back on the household chores and force him to get involved. Then sit down with him and get him to tell you what HIS idea is. If you don''t like it...move on and find someone who is more suited to your needs. Don''t waste your time on the good time guys !

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Truth | 2011/03/15

To Mary Anne and QQ
If formalising the relationship with a marriage certificate makes no difference to the relationship why can he not spend one hour at Home Affairs to seal the deal if it is going to make her happy?????
The reason he will not do this is because he is not committed,if a peice of paper makes no difference to a permanent relationship why not just do it!!!!
CS is right he is dodging.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/15

I totally agree with Marry Anne.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Marry Anne | 2011/03/15

Why does one need a piece of paper to confirm a relationship?
What is going to be different the morning after your wedding? Will your feelings for this guy be different? Just asking

Reply to Marry Anne
Posted by: LEE | 2011/03/15

Hi ladies,
hey ME, it seems like we are in the same baot, my bf told me he''s not ready to get married and he''s 39 yrs this year and we have baby coming on the way, but he insist that we stay together. I told him i won''t move in with him until he knows what''s the right thing to do, as long he''s not ready, i will still be staying at my own place.

Reply to LEE
Posted by: Maria | 2011/03/15

Clearly he isn''t ready to commit. You can a) wait for him  b) try to force him but that won''t bode well for the future  or c) give up on the relationship. Nobody but you can decide what you should do. Perhaps see if he will join you in couples therapy to explore the reasons why he thinks you need to first " enjoy your relationship" , as if you won''t be doing that after you get married. I''ve been the person not willing to commit because I was scared for a variety of reasons. My husband decided to wait. It worked out well for us!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/15

Ask him in which decade he thinks your day will come. Does sound like a dodge, at his age - and it sounds as though he has absolutely everything he wants from a relationship, without needing to get married, so why would he want to change the situation ?

Reply to cybershrink

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