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Question
Posted by: Mmatshepo | 2012/08/02

Marriage Problems - Feedback

This is just the feedback from the meeting i scheduled with the parents, both familiies arrived and we called my husband to come home, he did when he found parents he took his small bag and ran off, we tried to call him and he ignored all the calls. My parents requested that i pack few clothes and go home with them, which i did, he started calling me saying i must move out of his house with the ppl i called, i did that, the very same night he followed me to my parents house and insisted i come out and go with him to take all my clothes if not he will throw them in the garage, i called the police bcs he was threaterning me. Yesterday i went to do a protection order that he must stop calling me, threatening or assulting me, i then went with the police to take all my clothes and the childs. While i was packing he was making calls saying he needs a lawyer to assist him to file for the divorce quick quick and he was demanding marriage certificate, i gave it to him, and went to my parents home with my child. I think GOD is showing me a sign to stay away frm him, i am hurt yes, but for me in case he changes his mind its over and i can''t forgive him. I can afford to manage my life, so he must go and grow up. His familiy has been calling since this morning showing how hurt they are abt all this, and they asked him to think of what he wants in life and decide, they say he looks like he is regreting, but for me i am better off, it over. He made me cry so many times. I am ready to LET IT GO.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

His running away confirmed so much, including that he is immature and not man enough to face problems or sincerely try to solve them.
And for him to continue to harass and blame you for his wrong-doing is pathetic. Wise to have the Protection Order. What's his enormous hurry to get the divorce ?
Don't change your mind or "forgive" him, as this conduct is unforgiveable. And don't feel sorry for him - he chose to create this situation.
Congratulations on your own sensible and firm behaviours. You deserve to be free of him. But don't forget to go to the maintenance court and ensure that he has to continue paying maintenance for the child till the child is independent - so he will learn that such behaviour creates costs, and he will be discouraged from doing this again, and for the child's sake.
Oh, and Loveless ? COntinue to be cautious. I have known lesbians who have treated their partners in the same way.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/08/06

Wow. You seem to have done everything exactly right in the way you walked away from this relationship. You''re a shining example to others tolerating abuse. I hope your future is filled with happiness.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/08/03

YOU GO GIRL!!! So proud of you because so many women threaten to do what you''ve done and then give in and take the men back only to go through worse the next time around. It takes a real woman to have courage to walk away!!!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Loveless | 2012/08/03

Shame Matsepo askies ausi..the way rona ba sa nyalwang re lllelang lenyalo ka teng then guys go off and do things like this? i give up wish i could turn on a lesbian switch within and renounce men for good.

Reply to Loveless
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/03

His running away confirmed so much, including that he is immature and not man enough to face problems or sincerely try to solve them.
And for him to continue to harass and blame you for his wrong-doing is pathetic. Wise to have the Protection Order. What's his enormous hurry to get the divorce ?
Don't change your mind or "forgive" him, as this conduct is unforgiveable. And don't feel sorry for him - he chose to create this situation.
Congratulations on your own sensible and firm behaviours. You deserve to be free of him. But don't forget to go to the maintenance court and ensure that he has to continue paying maintenance for the child till the child is independent - so he will learn that such behaviour creates costs, and he will be discouraged from doing this again, and for the child's sake.
Oh, and Loveless ? COntinue to be cautious. I have known lesbians who have treated their partners in the same way.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Jen | 2012/08/02

Good for you! And judging from the threatening way he reacted (and the fact that he was such a coward that he just up and left before even speaking to you and the parents) you are much better off! If he changed into such a person so quickly, you can be sure that those nights he came home late were going to get worse and who knows!

Don''t cry over him and don''t be hurt! You have decided to better your life- what''s there to be sad about? Because you ditched him? I know you obviously loved him, still do maybe, but you must love yourself more! And your child!

And don''t feel sorry for him at all, he brought this upon himself. And if he wants you back, don''t go. Things will be OK for a while, but then he''ll just go back to who he was.

Reply to Jen
Posted by: desperado | 2012/08/02

Big hugs and congrats!!
I know this is difficult now and it will take time to adapt etc but this was the best move you could make. i''m so glad your are out of there. You will see very soon your life if going to be so much beter. You do not deserve his lifestyle

stay strong

Reply to desperado
Posted by: billy | 2012/08/02

Never return to him, he will change for a while and then everything will start again. GOD BLESS YOU> 

Reply to billy
Posted by: Rose | 2012/08/02

Good for you. You deserve a man who does not need convincing and you deserve better. Good luck and God bless you.

Reply to Rose

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