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Question
Posted by: Frustrated | 2012/02/28

Marriage problems

I am married for more than 20 years...we have 2 little boys. The oldest is 8 yr old and we struggle with him regarding behaviour problems. This is causing terrible unhappyness between me and hubby. My husband never had any friends, he is very introverted but do try and have good relationships with our sons....we differ regarding the handling of situations, blaming and building guilt. We have been for counselling, our son is getting treatment but his opposisional behaviour is so draining.....my husband has bad temper and his handling of my son escalates his bad behaviour...my son feels rejection and then acts out. I am at a point that I am considering to ask my husband to seperate from us for pease sake.....not because I do not love him, but because of the arguing and lack of support.....do you think its stupid to end a relationship with a husband because on a cognitive level it seems to be the best option? But I do think this will have a verynegative effect on my son even if this is causing so much conflict.....I so often read that marriages brake up because of having a child with conduct dysorder......it just put so much stresson any relationship.....its just sad, because non of us would ever even considder other relationships....we love each other, but I do think that sometimes love is justnot enough and that some people isnt suppose to be parents......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, such behaviour is indeed very draining. Almost as though it were planned to be draining. It does sound as though your husbands inhibitions and disinhibition mat well be exacerbating the problems you are encountering with the child. It is so important that both parents act together in expressing and administering the same set of rules and consequences for good and bad behaviour. Surely if he loves you and the child, he can learn, with the aid of a counsellor, how to be an effective father ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/29

Yes, such behaviour is indeed very draining. Almost as though it were planned to be draining. It does sound as though your husbands inhibitions and disinhibition mat well be exacerbating the problems you are encountering with the child. It is so important that both parents act together in expressing and administering the same set of rules and consequences for good and bad behaviour. Surely if he loves you and the child, he can learn, with the aid of a counsellor, how to be an effective father ?

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