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Question
Posted by: Zoe | 2010/06/25

Marriage and things

Hi Doc.
Please advise.
My bf and I plan on getting married next year.
What we want is to just get married.
No engagement no wedding nothing.
We have spoke about this and he wants the same only if I''m sure I''m not going to regret it. So this is what we have decided on.
The thing is I do not see why we should spent thousands of rands on a wedding for hundreds of family member we don''t even know. For people to come and then complain after the wedding about how the food couldve been nicer, or the colour scheme etc etc because honestly this is what people do.

I cant understand why people have weddings.
For me a wedding should be something to be celebrated with people you know and love.

So it was either no wedding or a small one but then alot of people will not be happy for not being invited.
So we stick with not having one.
Also things are so expensive these days I cant imagine spending a huge some of money that I caould use to furnish our whole house with on one day.

Yes I would love to have the photos etc but I think its majorly over-rated. Are we just being cheap or are there other people who fel the same?
All we want is a small affair with just our parents sibling and closest of close family that we know and who really cares about us.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I suspect there are more people who agree with you about the futility of spending huge sums on a fancy wedding party for other people, but who don't have the guts to say it or act on it.
There also seem to be far too many people who threaten to feel "hurt" if not invited to the shindig. I don't think you're being "cheap" at all, though some might say so - you're being practical and refusing to just automatically accept the traditional assumptions.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Angy | 2010/06/28

My family wants me to get married in December but I want to get married next year June. If they can give the money for the wedding to have it in December, then fine.

Reply to Angy
Posted by: Anon | 2010/06/28

Most of my friends did not have a big wedding - they simply couldn''t afford it! Instead they " eloped"  (just got married with parents &  brothers/sisters in attendance and then let everyone know afterwards). What many of them then did was hold a very low-key party at their house or similar afterwards, something very simple so that everyone could celebrate with them at no great cost.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Latoya | 2010/06/28

Qwerty, you have seen tiny tiny weddings, i know of people who make you pay to attend their wedding, you get there, you order a meal on your own account, drinks and everything, they offer you the venue and celebration and nothing more, so in that way you dont worry about people saying, the food were not nice and all, they eat what they prefer, own choice.
my sentiment on weddings would be, if you get married, you have to celebrate, it is one of those things that happen in our life once, so by all means,i would love to have a celebration, obviously taking costs into account, i wouldnt mind to spend more than R100K once in my life, that is just me.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/06/28

You are being very practical! A wedding does tend to be a very expensive party for your family and friends... and as you point out, you end up having to invite far-off family you barely know so as not to offend anyone!

That said... You have every right to have a very small ceremony with only your nearest and dearest present. Don''t worry about offending anyone! It''s YOUR day, and YOUR money, and it should only be about YOU.

I know people who have had tiny-tiny weddings, with very few guests, and they all say it was so much more special because it was so personal and intimate. Go for it!  )

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/25

I suspect there are more people who agree with you about the futility of spending huge sums on a fancy wedding party for other people, but who don't have the guts to say it or act on it.
There also seem to be far too many people who threaten to feel "hurt" if not invited to the shindig. I don't think you're being "cheap" at all, though some might say so - you're being practical and refusing to just automatically accept the traditional assumptions.

Reply to cybershrink

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