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Question
Posted by: Susan | 2011/09/29

Marriage

My boyfriend and i have decided to get engaged. He is just waiting for money which is due to him (should get it this week) to buy the ring. Yesterday being excited i was looking on the internet for catering quotes etc for the wedding. I was telling him about it after work and he completely igonored me. When i asked him why he didnt respond he said - im being pushy. What do you make of this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he's troubled enough financially to get a ring, he would probably be genuinely and sensibly frightened that you're already looking at catering quotes for a wedding which would surely not be in the near future ? Bridezilla rides again !
This Bridezilla response pits off any sensible man, and some may run away altogether, ans wisely so. There are unnatural pressures from bridal shows and magazines and moms and friends, to have a wedding that 100 years ago a Royal Family wouldn't dare to try. And too much of the focus comes to be on the Wedding - that dress, the special shoes, the reception colour scheme, whatever, and little or nothing on developing a loving relationship that will endure and make both happy. A wedding shouldnt be about conspicuous spending.
You were surely being pushy and frightening. Getting engaged is a sign of intentions, NOT an immediate prelude to an early wedding. I say it again, for too many women these days, it all seems to be about a wedding, and not about being married. There's nothing at all wrong with men who find that approach disturbing.
And what nonsense to suggest, as Kelly does, secret planning, accepting the modern fallacy that the wedding is entirely about the bride, and the poor sucker husband just has to pay for it.

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/10/03

Maybe, because you already have a kid any everything, he thinks that the actual wedding is just a formailty and there''s no need to rush it. Just a thought.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: SUSAN | 2011/10/03

Thanks everyone, i should mention we have known each other for 5 years and have a child together . . that changes a lot. we have already discussed we want a small wedding at our house (nothing expensive etc as we have both been married before). But will just wait it out now . . . If nothing changes in the next year then im gonna rethink.

Reply to SUSAN
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/09/30

Ok, I just want to clear up the Cybershrink''s assumption!!!! I am not getting my fiance to pay- I am earning extra money on the side by doing freelance work to pay. My fiance is saving to buy himself a car so I''m not trying to make him pay for anything. *sad at assumption*
:(

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/30

If he's troubled enough financially to get a ring, he would probably be genuinely and sensibly frightened that you're already looking at catering quotes for a wedding which would surely not be in the near future ? Bridezilla rides again !
This Bridezilla response pits off any sensible man, and some may run away altogether, ans wisely so. There are unnatural pressures from bridal shows and magazines and moms and friends, to have a wedding that 100 years ago a Royal Family wouldn't dare to try. And too much of the focus comes to be on the Wedding - that dress, the special shoes, the reception colour scheme, whatever, and little or nothing on developing a loving relationship that will endure and make both happy. A wedding shouldnt be about conspicuous spending.
You were surely being pushy and frightening. Getting engaged is a sign of intentions, NOT an immediate prelude to an early wedding. I say it again, for too many women these days, it all seems to be about a wedding, and not about being married. There's nothing at all wrong with men who find that approach disturbing.
And what nonsense to suggest, as Kelly does, secret planning, accepting the modern fallacy that the wedding is entirely about the bride, and the poor sucker husband just has to pay for it.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/09/29

You have to plan now, otherwise it''ll never happen! The boyfriend will get lazy. Why did he bother asking if you are being pushy now? Keep planning, just don''t involve him. My fiance knows nothing of the plans- he tells me I must just tell him when and where to show up.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: lolly | 2011/09/29

Whats up with men these days my boyfriend is the same. I mean why want to get engaged and married years later?? whats the point? Getting engaged - obviously she wants to start planning her wedding.

Reply to lolly
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/29

You are getting engaged not married. Yes you are being pushy.
Give the man a gap to take it in his stride.
Maybe he wants to get married in 2 or 3 years or maybe he has considered engagement but not marraige yet.

Reply to Romany

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