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Question
Posted by: Unknown | 2010/11/15

Marriage

My husband and i have been married 5 years, but living together for 8 years. In the last year and a half, our sex has become almost nothing. When we do have sex, it has to be me ontop, and he doesnt even look at me, and it takes us 10 minutes to get everything done. He never wants to make love to me anymore, his eyes are always closed, and very important, he NEVER kisses me anymore. I mean NEVER, not even during sex. I dont understand, i dont think he is cheating on me, because we work together at the office, and then we go home. I am around him all day every day, so he cant be cheating on me. I dont understand what is going on. What could this be. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Liza is right. There are so many reasons why a person loses interest in sex, or declining sexual performance, or both. And people, men especially, tend to feel deeply ashamed of such problems, and reluctant to discuss them or to seek help for them. Stress, depression, and many diferent medical conditions ( which would respond to treatment of them ) can cause such difficulties.
Try very gently to discuss this with him, and encourage him to see at first a GP, and then a psychiatrist specializing in sexual issues, who can assess his situation, and advise how it can be improved.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Unknown | 2010/11/18

It is not that he has no libido. believe me, he watches lots of porn and naked woman on tv and would do it himself every minute if he could. It is just with me, i must do all the work, be ontop all the time, and he does not feel me, kiss me, or even look at me. Is he disgusted with me. We work together, so unfortunately we do not have an option but to be around each other all the time. I just dont know what to do anymore. I would also never be able to go looking for it outside, because that is just not me, it just makes me feel ugly, unwanted and unloved, and it makes me very depressed.

Reply to Unknown
Posted by: Bucci | 2010/11/16

I hear you ladies, but now what happens when he actually tells you that he is or has lost interest in sex. do I rigth away assume that he is trying to say he has lost interest in having sex with me or must I believe that he has lost interest on sex. when I asked what does he mean exactly then he says no this has nothing to do with you. Yet he watches more porn than anything else. he only have sex with you when he has had a drink or two. sometimes he ask if you had a lot of money would you go for virgina tighening? what does all these questions means, he has a problem with you and not sex. at least that is what I am going through with my husband. i have decided to just leave him be, dont as cause most of the time I do he will dismiss me by saying it has nothing to do with me.

Reply to Bucci
Posted by: Reese | 2010/11/16

I dont agree with Kate. My husband and I went through/are going through the same thing and we are not with each other every minute of the day. My libido is much higher than his. He was the best kisser ever and now it would be just the pik soentjie. It hurts a woman when a man denies her due to his reasons I suppose. I cannot really give any advise cause he would refuse any help. I just dont hope that you start looking for attention outside the door cause then its trouble. Rather talk to him gently and be patient. Get a vibrator to please yourself if he cant cause honestly, it can get very dangerous if he does not pull up his socks!!! good luck!

Reply to Reese
Posted by: Germ | 2010/11/16

I agree with Kate maybe the guy needs some alone time to bring back the spark

Reply to Germ
Posted by: job | 2010/11/15

be concerned about the kissing..esp if he used to smooch alot. thats concerning.

Reply to job
Posted by: Kate | 2010/11/15

lol!Read your post over and you might find the reason.
''I am around him all day every day'' Poor guy I actually don''t blame him.
Maybe he needs some time away from you to bring back the spark.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Liza | 2010/11/15

Have you actually talked to him about this? The only way you''ll find out what is wrong is if he tells you. There are far too many reasons why this could be happening. Perhaps he''s feeling stressed and this has reduced his libido. Perhaps the reduced libido is a symptom of a health problem that has to be addressed. Perhaps it has something to do with you, more probably it doesn''t. It is however a problem that needs to be resolved. The first step is to try and talk to him about it. If that is difficult, try couples counseling so that you have a mediator to guide the discussion. Only after this will you know what the next step should be.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/15

Liza is right. There are so many reasons why a person loses interest in sex, or declining sexual performance, or both. And people, men especially, tend to feel deeply ashamed of such problems, and reluctant to discuss them or to seek help for them. Stress, depression, and many diferent medical conditions ( which would respond to treatment of them ) can cause such difficulties.
Try very gently to discuss this with him, and encourage him to see at first a GP, and then a psychiatrist specializing in sexual issues, who can assess his situation, and advise how it can be improved.

Reply to cybershrink

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