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Question
Posted by: Kago | 2010-05-03

Marriage

am having a fear of being married again, in my past marriage it was just pain, fights and ignorance. My hubby didn''t know how to love a woman. Treated me like I am just an object. Now I have this man in y life, he has been proposing marriage and I am prolonging to answer him, he needs us to do it soon, but I am so scared to be hurt. I don''t trust man at all, I feel like he will change and start to sleep out then divorce me, I had been quitting my affairs out of fear of being hurt, ex-hubby used to be violent, drunk, and will swear so much, now I feel like this guy want to marry me for other reasons then hurt me, to make sure do I go with him to marriage counseling or what should I do. To me love is danger.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why does he "need us to do it soon" ? That's suspicious. Do explore and understand this peculiar sense of hurry on his side.
With your understandable concerns, it is especially important not to rush into mariage again. Indeed personal counselling to work on your trust issues and other fall-out from your previous bad experience of marriage, would be a good investment. If that works out well, and he is still around ( delaying the marriage decision will be a useful test of his actual intentions ) then consider PRE-MARITAL couples counselling first.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kago | 2010-05-03

He is not rushing it, we have been dating for a while, but the more I see this man, I feel like he is overcrowding me and I really wanted us to have a casual affair, but now we stay together, I don''see anything wrong from him, I guess I am just scared to have a failed marraige again. I am 35 and really don''t care about being married anymore, when I tell my family, they say I am still hurt but its more that two years since I left the ex-hubby.

Reply to Kago
Posted by: Pal | 2010-05-03

I would suggest that you go for counceling first, and get to know him a little bit.

I also have the same problem, but my bf and i made a decision to stay together so that we can learn one another, staying together is the same as being married but at least your options are opened to you. If things dont work out you can just take your bags and leave without having to spend money on divorce.

Good Luck!!!!!

Reply to Pal
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-03

Why does he "need us to do it soon" ? That's suspicious. Do explore and understand this peculiar sense of hurry on his side.
With your understandable concerns, it is especially important not to rush into mariage again. Indeed personal counselling to work on your trust issues and other fall-out from your previous bad experience of marriage, would be a good investment. If that works out well, and he is still around ( delaying the marriage decision will be a useful test of his actual intentions ) then consider PRE-MARITAL couples counselling first.

Reply to cybershrink

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