Posted by: Anon | 2009-03-27


I' ve been married for 8 years (I' m 32 and my husband is 38) and we have a 6 year old son. Our personalities are totally opposite. He can' t handle stress or anything going wrong so will be grumpy and moody every day when I get home for days at a time. I try to encourage him, but one can only try to do this for so long. It' s reached a stage where I do not want to go home anymore and I cannot wait to come to work - just to get away from that atmosphere at home - I am unhappy!!! I actually feel it would be better to just get a divorce and be alone, I will be happier single than with him? He will not change, we' ve had a million discussions about this - how do I deal with this. I am at the end of my rope here!!

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Our expert says:
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Presumably you have been tis different fro each other for all 8 years ? If so, the question may be more; why is this now a problem if it wasn't earlier on ? and if it was a problem from the start, why didn't you get in to marriage counselling to work on these issues ? Amy way, why not get into marriage counselling now ? If he flatly refuses to try to change or acomodate you, then's the time to consider alternatives.
Really's response is, well, Really sensible and worth re-reading.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ME | 2009-03-27

I feel for u Anon. I am a man and is married for more then 20 years. after 5 years of marriage i realised I would not be able to change my wife. U cannot change a personality. I though of divorce because I was not happy and I knew things wont change. Yet i did not divorce, for more than 20 years now i am unhappy. I became a person that i dont know. I wish i had the guts then to split, but i never did. So, if i can give u advise, and only u will know if u r not urself anymore, rather get out sooner than later. If things dont change soon between u, u must decide if it is this that u wanted from a marriage. Dont let it carry on 4 too long. Eventually u will start to change into someone u r not. And the biggest joke of all is that I my wife thinks we r happily married. She even say we r so the same. If she only knew i let things be for the sake of peace.

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Posted by: Really | 2009-03-27


I know that they say that partners should not be taking out there frustrations at home.... But have you ever asked what actually stresses him? Do you guys ever sit down and try and find solutions to what his stress is?

I believe that sometimes talking about WHAT is stressing him will assist in coming up with suggestions on what to do other than just being worried about him being Stressed.. often times things that stress us are things that can be handled differently!

Does he ever agree to talk about his stresses or does he just come home angry and stresses you up too?

Opting out is never always the answer.... trying to work things through is something to try...Maybe try getting outside help. Marriages and relationship need work.. sometimes it' s hard work and most times it compromise.. this does not mean that you have to loose yourself in the process.. if it is going to be painful for you and him then maybe you can think of opting out.... but it sounds like it is something you can work through...

All the best.

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