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Question
Posted by: Concerned Mom | 2012/05/25

Manipulation

Dear CS

I''ve read quite a lot that BiPolar patients can be manipulative. How will I know if I am being maniuplated (that sounds like a stupid question when I type it) and how will I determine what boundaries I should put in place to ensure that I am not being manipulated.

I understand that this is quite an open ended question, but do hope that you will be able to enlighten me somewhat. I strongly believe it''s time to start putting boundaries in place for my child, but don''t want to appear unloving and uncaring to her, I also don''t know where to start. I just find it really hard to believe that after all the extensive treatment and hospitalisaations that she has received at the best facilities, and by the best Dr''s she can still be depressed. It''s been going on 2 years now.

Is this something that needs to be discussed with her treating pshyciatrists and pshycologists?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

ANYONE may be manipulative, and some people have developed it into a fine art. I don't think Bipolar people are especially manipulative, but the combination may be much more trying.
And your question is far from stupid - presumably, if a manipulator is really good at it, you won't feel aware of being manipulated. Only a really unskilled manipulator is always spotted !
But regarding your child, ALL children should from the start be brought up with rules, consequences and boundaries, and this is a bit late to start ! NOT to do so is unkind and uncaring. It is disturbing and neglectful for a child to grow up able to indulge themselves without rules and boundaries within which they can safely grow.
Yes, indeed, this is important to discuss with those treating her, especially as it sounds as though remaining "depressed" may have become really rewarding for her, while "getting better" may risk having to take personal responsibility for one's life and choices, and being less endlessly indulged.
Any competent psychologist ought to recoagnize this, and to help you draw up plans for simple structured rules and expectations at home, such as being polite, active and doing one's share of chores, etc., and with underirable consequences to not keeping to these agreements, and pleasant consequences for doing so.
Treating anything like depression and bipolar disorder, ESPECIALLY in children / adolescents must always, to be competent, include more than medications.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/26

ANYONE may be manipulative, and some people have developed it into a fine art. I don't think Bipolar people are especially manipulative, but the combination may be much more trying.
And your question is far from stupid - presumably, if a manipulator is really good at it, you won't feel aware of being manipulated. Only a really unskilled manipulator is always spotted !
But regarding your child, ALL children should from the start be brought up with rules, consequences and boundaries, and this is a bit late to start ! NOT to do so is unkind and uncaring. It is disturbing and neglectful for a child to grow up able to indulge themselves without rules and boundaries within which they can safely grow.
Yes, indeed, this is important to discuss with those treating her, especially as it sounds as though remaining "depressed" may have become really rewarding for her, while "getting better" may risk having to take personal responsibility for one's life and choices, and being less endlessly indulged.
Any competent psychologist ought to recoagnize this, and to help you draw up plans for simple structured rules and expectations at home, such as being polite, active and doing one's share of chores, etc., and with underirable consequences to not keeping to these agreements, and pleasant consequences for doing so.
Treating anything like depression and bipolar disorder, ESPECIALLY in children / adolescents must always, to be competent, include more than medications.

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