Posted by: anonymous | 2011-02-10

Male who wants to be female


I have this problem. I have been going out with a good looking girl for 5 years, and I am happy being with her. I have however since I was about 14 wanted to be a woman. Throughout my teen years I crossdressed secretly whenever I got the chance. I really wanted to go onto hormone therapy, but I was too scared that I''ll lose the respect of everybody close to me. I actually get along very well with my family, and I didn''t want to hurt them. As a male, I tried to fit in, and did to a certain extent. I managed to hide my feeling from everyone. At times I would go into female mode for a week or two, but at the end of it, I''ll always try and shake it off, telling myself it''s madness. I read a lot of articles, and information about it, and thought that this is just a phase, and will pass. I am now 30 years old. These feelings still come forward very powerfully, and I spend a week or two at a time trying to get myself as feminine as possible. In female mode I feel attracted to males,but then I feel like a woman with a man, not a man with another man. In male mode I think that two males together look horrible, and I do not agree with it at all. I think females are much better looking than males. I however really wish that I could be a female. I have taken estrogen once or twice, but not steadily. I do wish to take it steadily. I have taken black cohosh, and red clover for a while, since I know that it is not as dangerous. I do all of these things secretely, as I''m too scared that I will lose everyone dear to me if they find out. I have tried my best to suppress these feelings, but they always come back strongly. As a male, other people don''t have a clue. I am not one of those wimpy type efiminate males. I do however have this secret urge to be a woman. I''ll probably need a lot of things done to make myself look at least ok as a woman though. I realize how crazy all of this is, but I cannot completely supress these urges. I do feel I fall under transgender. But I''m not sure whether it might be something like a split personality.. Any advice will be nice.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Anonymous and thanks for your post. I suggest that you rather post your question to the Transgender Advisor here on Health24 - scroll down the list of experts on the left of your screen.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-06-12

You are what you are and you should not try to change yourself.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: gay, lesbian and bisexual expert | 2011-02-21

Hi Anonymous and thanks for your post. I suggest that you rather post your question to the Transgender Advisor here on Health24 - scroll down the list of experts on the left of your screen.

Reply to gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Posted by: Mo-Mo | 2011-02-14

u need to make yourself happy go for it .....

Reply to Mo-Mo
Posted by: anonymous | 2011-02-13

Thank you very much for your message Gareth. I really appreciate your kindness, and advice.

Reply to anonymous
Posted by: Gareth | 2011-02-11

I am no expert on this, but I do sincerely feel really sorry that you have to go through this struggle. From a gay perspective, I can really relate to what you are going through mentally, as I also struggled for years and years to make peace with myself. I''d know I was gay, and later it repulsed me. I married a woman because I thought it would pass, but it never did. I also thought gay men are repulsive, and could never associate with it, yet on the other side of it, I was longing to be with a man. Very similar to you, I was also scared that I would be rejected and lose all those dear to me. Yet, when I came out, it didn''t happen. Yes it took some time and adjustment from my friends and family, but in the end we are all closer, and I have even more friends.

So I say, you are not crazy, nor do you have a split personality. Your own predjudices that you learnt growing up is blocking you all the way.

I think you should really try to find a therapist that specialises with transgender issues and first try to get past these fears and learn to accept who you are first. Then you will have a clearer view of what the next step is that you should take. Believe me, there is nothing better than that freedom you get when you are yourself. Imagine how happy you feel when you have these " woman weeks" . Imagine to feel that happy all the time. Perhaps try to post to the transgender forum to see if someone can recommend a good therapist for you.

You are who you are, and that is not wrong, even if others might think so. Best of luck and let us know how things are going

Reply to Gareth

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